How to be Vulnerable in Relationships
Vulnerability. Relationships. 2 words that used to knot my stomach in the same sentence.
"I'm a strong woman!", "I don't want to be needy!". It's something I personally used to really struggle with, because of all the possible disasters it could bring to my ego.
And worse - in a world of achievers, It's got a bad wrap - and it's seen as a sign of weakness in business, and competition.
But in relationships, it's a different story. Learning to give yourself permission to say what you really think, moment to moment, will change your relationships, the way you communicate with people, your general feeling of connection, and your overall sense of fullfilment in life. And that will change everything.
But learning the skill of Vulnerability, although useful, doesn't deal with why you're having a problem with it in the first place.
It's a belief thing. It's a mindset thing.
Here, I made you a video on it. It's 3 minutes long.
Vulnerability is total acceptance of yourself - and asking for what you want from that place.
(Click to Tweet)
All you have to do now, is find something new to talk about when someone asks you, "How's your love life?"
Here is the content from the video:
How do I be vulnerable in my relationships, I'm afraid of being rejected - such a good question. Look, when I was an athlete, being vulnerable was a sign of weakness if I went into the ring, and I was not at the top of my game, and somebody knew I had an injury that was the first place they would attack. Being vulnerable is either physically dangerous, I can get physically hurt or it meant that I was going to lose the fight.
But in relationships, you're not fighting against the person you're working together in order for you to have the kind of deep connection that you want in a relationship, the person has to see you, they have to know who you really are. Best to know upfront. So vulnerability is simply loving yourself enough to put it out there- who you are, to fully accept who you are and ask for what you want from that place, and rejection is simply somebody opting into that or opting out, in which case it's a good use of time because if somebody doesn't like what that is, they should move on and find something that's better for them, and you get to move on and find something that's better for you.
Now when you are vulnerable with someone, one of two things, one of three things can actually happen.
A - nothing you pour your heart out it doesn't actually mean anything, and you just continue on
B - they opt out, or
C - everything changes, you become connected on a much deeper level, and life goes on, brilliantly.
Imagine being someone who fully accepts you exactly as you are. Imagine being with someone who loves you when you're at your most funny and fun and outrageous and crazy, or just pure crazy, or just upset or completely in your element. Imagine being with that type of person. Hold that image in your mind next time you're about to say something that you think could possibly get you rejected, because that's what you want and that's who you're speaking to.
Now, to put this into real world scenario. Here's how you kind of do it.
Stop putting another person on a pedestal.
Stop trying to get them to do something or be something or say something or ask for something or feel a certain way and just be yourself, and
Then simply allow that person, moment to moment, to continue to opt in or opt out.
It's a really great way to do relationships, forever, and it's a really great way for you to just practice accepting yourself, because that's what vulnerability really is. Hope you enjoyed this video. See you next time. Thanks.
I'd love to know from you:
Have you ever struggled with Vulnerability in your relationships? What did you do to get through it? What do you believe about vulnerability now? Feel free to share any tips you have or different perspectives on vulnerability that help you just say what you feel and stop caring so much in relationships.
Thanks for being here.
Stay Curious, Stay open. The life you crave is so much closer than you think.
Love,
Hayley x x
P.S - If fear of failure, vulnerability and "getting found out" are things you struggle with on a daily basis, and it's more than just not knowing what to do, I can help you. Changing the way you show up in your relationships will drastically improve the way you're showing up at life. All it takes are a few simple tweaks.
