Sex and Your Authentic Leadership: 10 things I’ve kept secret from you.

Hayley Carr - Leadership coach riding a vespa

What struck me most powerfully about this was when Kim said, "this is literally the last place anyone wants to look when it comes to their growth, and they'll avoid it their whole lives because it's so taboo - and yet, it's the one thing that makes the biggest difference." 

At that moment, I knew it was my responsibility to go there too. No matter what else that meant for my life.

Without my explanation, this article might seem really left-of-field. But when you understand why, you'll know why I can't keep quiet any longer, and things are gonna get saucier around here.

And I have to tell you, this is edgy for me to say. It makes me sad to know that I can't not say this, but there are some close people in my life who won't accept it. Who would prefer I stay quiet. Who I might disappoint - who I will most definitely frighten and make uncomfortable - because of how they might think it makes them look. 

But I walk my talk, and I'm willing to deal with the fallout of following my truth; it's never as bad as we make it out to be in our heads, so, here we go. 


More accurately, how understanding, elevating, and then channelling your sexual (creative) energy will not only improve your relationship, which is the surface level thing we think sex is about, but it will

  • completely liberate you financially,

  • make you a more magnetic and powerful leader, and

  • support you in manifesting anything you want for the rest of your life.

I'm about a quarter of my way through an intense mentorship with Kim Anami, where I'm undertaking the highest level of training. The work I've done so far is something that is the most powerful I've learned in all the time I’ve been doing this work. 

It really is the laaaaast place we look, if we're honest, right?

I mean when was the last time you were told you might have stuck sexual energy in your body as the reason why you keep hesitating to take a leap in life, or why you’ve got anxiety, or why you’re not making money very easily in your business or getting pay rises...

But this is exactly why I'm here today. I'm opening up a conversation. One which we're gonna leave open, and we're gonna continue over time. Because it's a big one, and from now on I want you to know it can be on the table, and openly spoken about with me forever, too. 

I realise you might be wondering why I’m strangely slowing down and pointing out what a “big deal” this is. If sex is something you're all over, there's always another level to go. If sex is not a big deal in your world, you’re going to enjoy reading below the connections, that you may not have made before, that sex has to leadership.

But I also know the statistics and sad truths about so much of what we're taught about sex and what's appropriate to talk about, and I could also be the only person in your life who has ever offered this to you as a place you can really open up, get honest, and get answers in a safe way if that's something you need to do. That's important to me.

All this to say, nothing is off-topic in my world, especially when it comes to leadership and vulnerability and all things related to your fullest expression of yourself in this world. I'll be talking a lot about this new topic, too - because everything counts. 

But let's start for now, very simply, with a new level of awareness about some ways you might not actually link up your own sexual force, and leadership. 

These are personal connections I have made, and things that have totally changed in my own life since learning to rev up my sexual fire. I hope you enjoy! ;) 

10 little-known side-benefits of sex (when done right!) to your leadership, your bank account, your confidence, and your life. 

  1. #zerofucks level of Unstoppable Confidence. You will no longer give a fuck what people think of you. Revving up the life force energy in your body that gets created through sexual practise, and circulating it through your body, makes you an unstoppable force of nature. When you transcend fears, dogma, and conditioning around sex; what it is, what it’s meant for, and what it means, you also transcend the most common fears that stop people from living the life they're truly here to live (and did I mention, totally in style, because you’re so loved-up?)

  2. You become a truth bomb. Not giving too many fucks means you don’t dance around the edge of the truth. Instead, where the truth needs to be said, you say it straight, with love (quite literally) on your lips. When you speak the truth - even when it makes you uncomfortable, or it even when it’s edgy for you as a leader, people trust you're not there just for your own ego-trip. They "get" that you're there as a leader to serve, and not to please. Truth-telling, fearless intimacy and honesty are edgy but build so much trust in teams and leaders.

  3. Everything becomes easier. Life gets into an unconscious, positive flow - because flow begets flow. When you begin to trust in yourself or your partner enough to really let go, surrender and allow yourself to experience the psychedelic levels of pleasure you’re built to have, all your energy does the same thing. You stop holding on so tightly to control in other areas, and you get out of your own way enough for the good things to come back to you - money, opportunities, connections - in spades.

  4. Safety in the world. Right place, right time. Following on from surrender, at this level of flow you will develop the deepest trust in life to always provide for you when you need it to - that would make most people nervous. But you’ll know that trust is absolutely always simply a choice. You begin to instantly manifest situations that align, and what doesn't align drops away. Friendships, relationships, money, influence, opportunities, connections, and even the right things are happening at the right time. You develop trust in your safety in the world, too. High vibe situations become your normal, and anything that doesn’t align will naturally fall away. All from learning to surrender privately in the most vulnerable way and harness that powerful sexual energy.

  5. There's no hiding. It will force you to love every inch yourself. Even the parts you shun, or secretly disown or wish you could change. When you love yourself, and you know you’re enough, you stop trying to make things work based on other peoples' expertise, and you start knowing, trusting, and backing yourself. When you love yourself this much, the world reflects that back to you.

  6. You won’t blow your lid in an argument or lose your cool emotionally. Your emotions, creativity, and energy will be channelled into powerful, calm, life-force energy - because your pleasure is not based on any need from anyone else. You use energy to come alive - instead of to fall asleep and relax.

  7. You won't sweat the small stuff either - low-level anxiety to full-blown anxiety and depression, begone - when the most creative life force energy we all come from is circulating through your body freely in all ways, everything functions at optimum levels. Not only will you become free of emotional baggage, but that freedom will also translate into exponential levels of freedom, success, and confidence to take on bigger problems than worrying about the future.

  8. Expert problem solver, original content creator & faster learner. Through sexual practise, you learn to become so present and mindful, that you take in information like a superhuman you wouldn't otherwise notice, and you remember it. Hello, pay rises, faster learning, faster connections made. The secrets of the universe are revealed to you in such a way your knowledge becomes "tapped in" and so original it can only ever be traced back to you. Those who say "nothing is new in the world" may be tapped into the universal source and coming up with ideas at the same time as others around the world, (and this was definitely me in earlier years of my career). However, most people who say that, say it because they have no new ideas. They're truthfully too busy regurgitating the ideas of original creators who pay no attention to them. (Harsh, but true).

  9. Mirror mirror on the wall. You'll be the fairest of them all. Humans are vain as all things holy. We don’t like to admit it, but we love to admire beauty. Beauty really does "come from within" though. It’s a certain je ne sais quoi we appreciate, which radiates from your core at an energetic level. Fashion experts often say that people make a judgment on you within 3 seconds of meeting you. But it’s not just from what you’re wearing. Elsa Isaac (Marie Forleo’s stylist) also says they can feel your energy and make a judgment on it, too. If your energy radiates beauty, surrender, release, pleasure, and confident power, well, you’re saying a lot more in that first three seconds about who you are than what people consciously realise - but they can feel it.

  10. You’ll have the edge - One of the littlest known benefits of all this to your leadership is personal responsibility. The kind that has you taking back your power when it comes to pleasure, and the kind that also translates to taking back the level of control you really do have over your entire life. Some people use personal responsibility as a way to beat themselves up over what’s going wrong in their lives. This is used instead, to liberate you, and take back your power around any situation, and hence, your ability to change things, too

I really have so much to say, but for now, let me know - do you see these connections? Have you made them before? What else would you add to this list? 

I can’t wait to hear from you and deepen this conversation. 

Stay Curious, Stay open.

The life you crave is so much closer than you think.


Hayley xx

P.S - We were supposed to be announcing the dates and releasing tickets for Play Bigger, Feel Better in October this week, but as things would have it, we’ve had to cancel our original plans.

My team and I are working fast to get something else sorted, but I’ll keep you posted on what's happening as soon as we know.

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