When you are Paralysed by Perfectionism
Hi, My name is Hayley, and I am a recovering super-perfectionist. I used to be an Interior Architect. Read: Attention to minute detail, for fear of making expensive mistakes.
I also, once upon a time, was a Karate world champion. Read: Train Train Train. Think you’ve got it right? train some more.
Today, I'm an awesome life coach for career driven men and women. Read: High Achievers who often become paralysed at the precipice of a big new daring move, hoping what they are doing is good enough.
The fear comes from a good place most of the time. You’ve had some success, you want more, and you want to keep your high quality consistent. But sometimes it comes from a place of fear too. Sometimes we want it to be so damn good we come outta the gates like Dita Von Teese still comes outta her clothing in 2016.
In fact, the key distinction in this video is really about the true, enlightened definition of perfectionism truly is - and it ain’t so “enlightened”. It’s a smoke-screen.
There’s a rule of thumb in here I was taught recently which nearly blew my mind too far open. You can watch it here:
This one new rule is changing a LOT of the programming and conditioning I have in my head. The reason why, is because as a recovering perfectionist, I have never truly had a “set point” for what is good enough.
I know people say all the time “you just have to get it out there and improve it later”, but then they always follow up with “I mean only great work, don’t put the crap out there”…. and even though I totally understand where this is coming from… I never knew at which point it wasn't crap any more.
This will help.
Once you’ve watched the video, leave me a comment and let me know you accept the dare. Lets take action weekly together and get moving. Your time is now.
As always, Stay Curious, Stay Open. You are the Omega.
Love, Hayley x x
P.S - Are you seriously ready to STEP IT UP? I am opening my doors to a few new ready souls who are truly standing on the edge of a big change, and want to make sure what they are about to do is going to work. If you can feel something big coming, I can support you to make it the best damn thing that ever happened to you. Lets talk.
Hey, what to do when you are absolutely paralysed by perfectionism?
Now I’m not talking about when you have a job where things have to be at least 99% of the way there or it’s going to cost a lot of money in the stakes. I’m talking about when you have a creative idea that you just want to birth into the world or make surface or perhaps it’s a business idea that you’ve wanted to begin, or perhaps it’s a side project that you’ve wanted to begin, or perhaps it’s just something for your life that you’ve wanted to begin for a while and your paralysed by perfectionism. You’re paralysed by not being good enough or it needing to be right or you find yourself like fiddling with all the tiny little details that don’t really matter in order to get it out there so that it’s good enough, when in actual fact then you find something else, another reason why it’s not good enough.
I had a beautiful conversation with a guy named Alex Kipp last week and he gave me this incredible rule which made my own perfectionist body go absolutely crazy and bonkers and like “woah hoo! that’s not, that’s not okay, that’s not enough.” But it’s perfect because that’s exactly what I said, it made me very scared, which gave me a great indication that my perfectionist little brain was being triggered at that point.
So, the first rule is that perfectionism is just a really enlightened way of saying fear, really. When you’re being a perfectionist you are afraid and I’m not talking once again like a caveat here, I’m not talking about those times when you have a role to be filled and certain things need to be ticked off. I’m talking about when you have a creative endeavour that you want to do or when you have a task that you’re just not starting because it’s not going to be perfect or you are comparing yourself to someone else, this is what I’m talking about. That perfectionist that comes out, it’s actually fear.
Now I’m going to give you a macro and a micro way of dealing with this. And the macro in the larger picture is to keep an eye on the larger picture. Usually these things that we are making mountains out of molehills over are part of a huge larger hole and in that sense we’re forgetting our why, we are forgetting why we are doing it, what the purpose is and then it doesn’t really need to be perfect. It’s just a puzzle piece that makes up this beautiful tapestry of what you’re bringing into the world and what you’re creating.
The second tip is that the first is usually your worst. Like just, it’s probably going to suck, especially when you look back on it in a few year time and go “huh, okay that was my first attempt”. The best you can do right now you’re going to think sucks anyway if you’re a perfectionist so just get it out there.
And finally, and this is the rule that Alex Kipp taught me, is that when it’s at 40% or when you are at 40%, you are 40% ahead of those that have no idea. So it’s time to go. Now that was the one that brought up heaps of stuff for me and I love it so much because I’m such a perfectionist as an ex- interior architect and as a martial artist and all that kind of stuff…I Ioved getting everything perfect so the 40% rule is fantastic. If it gets to 40% or if you if are at 40% put it out there. The other 60% is going to happen once it’s out there, and it’s going to happen so much faster once you put it out there and you get it out to the world, and you can really start to get the feedback and move forward with it and you stop having analysis paralysis and being paralysed by perfectionism.
So tell me…what are your tips for getting over perfectionism? Perhaps you would like to share them in the video comments below or what are the things that you are working on moving through with your perfectionism? What’s something that you are birthing into the world? Perhaps it’s already at 40% and you’ve just realised like “hmmm…maybe I can actually do something about that.” I want you to post a blur and share with me. I would love to hear what you have to say in the comments so remember perfectionism is simply fear. If you want more tips to live boldly, love fearlessly and lead with vibrance, come on over to HayleyCarr.tv, sign up for my weekly updates and get a free copy of my new beautiful Unstoppable Starter Kit, which is going to teach you all the steps to bring about anything that you want without selling your soul. It’s got desktop wallpapers in there, a free meditation and I created it just for you and it’s free. www.hayleycarr.tv Thanks a lot, I’ll see you next week. Bye!!