The art of not giving a f#@k
One of my favourite hashtags goin’ round these days is #zerofucks or #0Fucks The First thing one of my early mentors Clinton said to me was, “Dare To Suck”.
These have been bold guideposts for the way I have lived my life, and are no less prominent in my own teachings today.
But what does it really mean to stop caring what others think of you and go on your merry way?
What does that look like? And is there an art to it that doesn’t require me to become an extroverted loud person who dresses like I just stepped off the playa at Burning man?
Yes.
And like everything here, it’s subtle, and has a more profound effect over time.
It’s not brazen or brash – although the language in this video certainly is! It’s a gentle way to absolute inner and outer freedom. It’s something I am probably more passionate about than anything, and it’s the key to you living a life on your own terms, starting as soon as you finish this video.
Want to know what it is? Watch here to find out.
Here is the content of the video:
You have got one precious life, and ultimately the quality of that life is going to be determined by just how many fucks you give about what other people think of you. Yes, today we are talking about the secret of absolutely no longer giving a fuck, or in other words, hashtag zero f#@ks. It's one of my favorite terms to talk about with my clients. I do apologize if you don't like obsenities you should probably turn this video off right now because it's going to be a lot of f#@k words.
But, yeah, obviously the kids at the shops, do not give a f#@k what anyone thinks of them, like wearing whatever they want and eating whatever they want, making weird animal noises and pretending to be a certain thing and none of their clothes match and they're just like 'wow I don't give a fuck', this is loving life. Kids know it, they haven't been conditioned yet to actually think 'hey I should think about what other people think about me, and make that control what I actually do with my life'.
We're so conditioned growing up we learn to ditch, our own self value, and to actually start considering the value and opinions of others, we're so conditioned to think that we will be more, we will be worthy, we will be enough and when we have this thing, or we date this person or we make more money or we do this exercise or we go to this place and we wear this stuff. It's so conditioned within us to feel unworthy exactly as we are.
And so the subtle secret art of not giving a f#@k, is not so much about being brazen and bold and out there and doing crazy things and wearing crazy things. It's really about self acceptance, and that's the key to all of it. You look at anyone who is not giving a f@#k and just getting on with life and doing their thing and really, really shining and being visible and just doing it however they want. It's not that they don't care about anyone or anything. In fact, they often do care a lot for something, a very deep passion, but they don't worry about what other people think of them.
It's really about self acceptance and accepting the self exactly as we are. So I have a couple of tips for you we're going to talk about the art of not giving a f#@k. And we're also going to talk about how you can become more self accepting of yourself in practice, just really being out there and being visible and not giving a f@#k what people think of you anymore. So you can go on with something in life that you choose, that's of your dreams, that's of your values to your highest intention, and just absolutely live it and be an example of freedom and love and whatever else you want to do in your life and, and really be a leader or live the life that you want.
So let's talk about it. Now first of all this is something that I like to talk about with all my clients and that is the fact that what people think of you is none of your business. I know that sounds so cliche but it is true. When you are focused- Byron Katie talks about this all the time. When you are focused on someone else, or perhaps what someone else thinks of you, or what they're doing or you're comparing yourself, you're actually, all up in their business, and not your own. And when your eyes and heart and mind are in someone else's business, there's nothing on your own business.
So the first tip is to only worry about what you can control and bring your business back to your business and instead of other people's business. Really, it's nobody else's business, what you're doing and what you're up to. Secondly, if you are really worried about what other people think of you. Sometimes that's a good thing. Right, so if you have people that are in your life that you love and value and respect their opinion, and it means a lot to you about what they have to say, then it's cool to worry about what they think, because it means that you're holding yourself to a very high standard, and you're making sure that you're checking in on maybe some areas of your life that you're not necessarily sure about, like I recently started dating someone and I wasn't 100%sure on him so I took him to my friends and I put him on the spot and it was great because I love what my friends have to say about him.
And anyway, nobody really cares as much as we think they care. Like we'd like to think that everybody out there gives as much of a f@#k about what we're wearing today, as their own problems, but the truth is that they don't. Even when they look at you, and they look you up and down, they check you right out. They're probably not even thinking about who you are, what you're doing.
So here's some steps to not giving a f@#k, anymore, and really enjoying shape out of your life. So step number one.
Step number one is about knowing your values. If you have never asked yourself 'what's important to me' now is a really good time to do so. You will have a couple of things that are just the most important to your life and you will know what you value, because when you experience these things, you feel expansive and open, and absolutely alive.
These are the things that are unique to you. They are your values that nobody can take away from you. Don't ever dim those, don't ever play them small, absolutely live out your values and that's the way that you're going to have a wonderful, wonderful life. So know your values so the first thing I am going to ask you in this video to get a beautiful idea about, what's important to me in this life. Maybe it's family, maybe it's adventure, maybe it's love. Maybe it's friendships, maybe it's where you live, maybe it's your ability to make money and have a beautiful business, whatever it is, don't judge yourself, just get clear on what your values are.
Secondly, know that you are a wizard. So, what you speak, and what you think about yourself, you eventually become, it's really important that you know, and if you start practicing not giving a f@#k, people are going to actually stop giving a f@#k, which is awesome.
What I mean by that is when you are in your mind and you're so focused on what other people think of you, vibrationally you attract experiences where it's like you've got a sign on your head that says, 'Judge me, judge me, judgment. Judgment, judge me for what I do, judge me for what I'm wearing, judge me for my decisions, tell me that I'm wrong call me stubborn, whatever.
If you're worried about what other people think of you, you attract situations and relationships and friendships, and experiences that will cause you to also bring about the existence and the affirmation of that belief. So it's time to start switching things around, and know that ultimately it's up to you, you got to take responsibility and say you know what, I'm going to actually practice, letting go of the thoughts when I think about what someone else thinks of me. I'm going to practice hearing my thoughts on letting go.
So the third step from there is actually surround yourself with people who are in alignment with what it is that you want. There are so many people in this world who are just shining brightly and doing what they want, and living a life of passion and purpose and something that is really true for them. Find them, become friends with them surround yourself with those people, or make space in your life, for those people to show up and expect them to show up and make space for them. It's really important that you're surrounded and held accountable by the people that you hang out with. You are the sum of the five people that you hang out with the most actually.
The next step is to practice telling the truth. So often we have two scripts running in our mind. The first one is what we think we need to say to keep everybody happy and not rock the boat and tell people what they think they need to hear in the way that they need to hear it so everything's cool. And then there's that second script was like, I would really like to be saying this right now too.
But there's often two scripts one is what we think we should be saying or doing, and the other is how we really feel about the situation. If you've ever caught yourself in relationship or friendship feeling a certain way and not speaking up about it.
This is what I'm talking about, it's an opportunity to tell the truth and be in it, and watch what happens when you tell you truth, or when you live in alignment with your values and you speak the truth. You can say anything that you want with love on your lips either way you actually give someone a true experience of you, which means they're going to give you a true experience of them right back and it speeds up the inevitable.
So telling the truth, with love on your lips, always, always, always brings further connection in the right way, and dispels and disintegrates things are more absolutely like you.
So practicing telling the truth will help you to step back into your body, and really accept yourself exactly where you're at and exactly how you're feeling and be okay with it, and it's okay to change your mind as well. It's, it's really really fun and liberating to actually just be in the truth and this is the first real action that you can take to stop giving a f@#k about what a lot of people think about you because your truth is more important for you than absolutely anything.
Will it come out perfectly first time, probably not, that's okay. Will it come out perfectly the second time, probably not, but it's OK. Give yourself permission to be messy and just tell the goddamn truth. It's gonna feel so good to not give a f@#k, and tell the truth. Be in your body, not in your head.
What I mean by that is when you've got these thoughts, circulating around making you go back and forward and bringing up anxiety or fear or anger or resentment or anything that just doesn't feel alignment and in the moment, it means you're in your head. And so you have to make that transition back from your head to your body and that's how you really can learn self acceptance and not giving a f@#k because if you're living in the moment, you're just being, right and that's what we all deserve to experience in this life.
I'm gonna make a separate video about making that transition from your head to your heart, but if you're really finding yourself getting stuck there in this moment. The first thing I'm going to suggest is get out and go and do something that feels really really good. If you're a dancer, move your body if you're a surfer going surf, if you're runner if you're a cyclist go and do those things.
Do something to just get out of your head, change your environment. Go and call up a friend, have a laugh, watch a movie, do something to completely change your state, and get out of your head and into your body, and then start the process again, because being in your body is such an important step in living a life that is true to you. You can be more connected to your intuition and yoour truth when you're not in your head telling yourself stories about, you can or you can't, giving yourself more fear and anxiety about what people are going to think of you.
The final step is literally practicing self acceptance of yourself in every single way. Because you deserve that, from yourself. And by the way, if you didn't give this to yourself you can't expect anyone else to either. So if you're looking for love, this is a great place to practice, self acceptance.
There's a really beautiful technique called EFT or tapping. And they'll use this script, even though, and then you state the worst possible thing that you could imagine that you're fearing at this point in time. So, even though, saying I deeply and completely love, honour and accept myself. And the practice of saying, even though this might be true, even though that might be true, even though this is happening, even though this is such a reality for me. I deeply and completely still love, honour and acceptance myself, and the practice of going you know what, 'I accept, absolutely everything about myself,' is going to bring you to a place where you're okay with making big, bold, outrageous moves and not giving a f@#k what people think about you because this is your life, you have one life, and you're a human, having a human experience just like every other person on the planet.
Literally everyone, we all give too many f#@ks. So let's just stop giving a f@#k, and start accepting ourselves, exactly the way that we are, and practicing living life that is true to us. If you feel called to,
I would love for you to leave me a comment and write one thing that is totally adventurous that you've always wanted to do that you know is going to make you grow because you've been avoiding it, that you're going to now do it and not give a f@#k what people think about you. If you liked this video please like it, subscribe to my channel, and if there's someone that you know that you love, who could really use less f@#ks in their life, please share this video with them. Tell them them that you love them and should stop giving a f@#k.
When you’re done, tell me the adventurous thing I’ve asked you to share with me in the video, in the comments below.
Stay curious, stay open. You ARE the Omega.
Love, Hayley x x
P.S – Have you signed up to be on the list and receive the “Beautifully Unstoppable Starter Kit” yet? Just sign up to be a part of my newsletter and you’ll receive that as a free gift before the rest of the world, as well as never missing a video again.
