I've been told I should create an entire body of work around "resilience" based on what I do with my clients, and the fact that it's a great "buzz" word, and the experiences I've had in my life are an example of the definition. Nup.
And even though I LOVE the topic, the subject, the essence of the word resilience - it's important work... to me, compared to what I do, it feels... like it's missing something at the end.
When I was in a relationship with a man with terminal cancer in my 20's, every day was a curious adventure, we had no idea what was going to happen next. On the one hand, that’s so heartbreaking, but on the other - when you can move through the teeth-gritting, jaw-clenching, stomach knotting pain of waiting for your loved one to receive bad news again, you move through it to an incredible experience of deep presence. Nothing else matters but the moment. You live.
When I was diagnosed with my chronic illness, and left bedridden for two and a half years and told there was no cure, I was desperate to get back to being human again. I spent months at a time berating myself on the couch for getting myself to that point, and when you realise it's useless, after the darkness, the pointlessness, the nothingness... comes the freedom to just... be. It stopped everything in its tracks for me. I changed careers. I started traveling solo. I started a business. I learned how to love myself. I took care of my body. I finally did the things I had always secretly dreamed of doing. I healed.
When I asked around, about what people think of the word "resilience", the word sprung up conversation around "being able to get through anything". You get knocked down, you get up again. You open your heart to hold all the emotions and the feelings and the pain and the joy. You become wider in your range of experiences, and emotions.
It's a beautiful word. I love it. The etymology begins in the 1620s and was derived from 'resiliens', the present participle of Latin 'resilire', 'to recoil or rebound". It's also linked with the word somersault, to leap, and to jump back.
I talk a little about stories from my past here, because they have shaped the lessons of who I am today, but really, the resilience it takes to move through life's challenges... I can't associate with it.
Because when you see and trust that everything is always in right alignment, (especially and even when you don't agree with it, even when it hurts, even when it's not the timing you want, or it doesn't go the way you want, or it messes up your plans...) there's no such thing as a problem.
The Oxford dictionary defines resilience as "the ability to quickly feel better after something unpleasant."
My definition, however, is more aligned with the concept of post-traumatic growth, and the Japanese concept of Kintsugi. Golden repair.
Through the pain, we trust in every part of the process, and we align with our highest selves, our deepest wisdom, and stay connected to the excitement of Kintsugi. Everything will be better, cracks will be filled with gold... no matter what.
This is what winning means to me.
It's a golden light wrapped around anything you can infinitely place your awareness on.
Winning to me, isn't about the immediate "game" in front of you. (although this definition of resilience will help you with that too!) It's about life. It's about purpose. It's about growth. Becoming. It's about "no matter what, everything will be better.
It's about being connected, and in tune with the infinite; to live from an array of possibility and inner freedom. To make decisions that align with your soul. To deal with conflict and fast growth with grace and golden light. To ground yourself in times of high stress or high flame energy - like work or performance pressures, for example.
"Winning" is really what needs redefining here.
It's about the long game. Trusting in it, and playing for it.
And you know what the weirdest thing about this is?
When you slow yourself down enough to be deeply present with it all, to win on an exponential level:
The things you've been rushing and forcing, happen with ease.
The things you've been impatient for, they happen faster than you may think is possible.
The things you think are impossible, start showing up effortlessly. Life feels like she's re-arranging herself, so that everything that has to happen for what you want to occur, is rapidly shifting and changing unconsciously in the stream to time to support it.
You begin to develop a deep trust in life, and her process.
This makes you calm, and unstoppable under fire.
It's the stardust from which winners are made.
So next time you're going for/through something big, (or, hard, or small, or weird)... and you think you have to harden your heart, or tighten your shoulders, or grit your teeth and get through it, I want to invite you instead to soften, and slow down.
Look for the space between the space. Those tiny tubes of light will shine through the cracks of the space when you think there is none.
Take a deep breath.
Feel your heartbeat. Feel your hands. Feel your feet on the floor. Slow down.
And tune into whats real, and what's not.
Tune into your gut. Tune into what feels expansive. Tune into what you really want to do, vs what you think you ‘should’ do.
Slow yourself down enough to see how much choice you really have. Everything is a choice.
Bring yourself back into the moment with the remembering you chose. Somewhere, somehow, maybe not even on a conscious level, you chose. And you can choose again.
Liberating? Even more so.
Then, do whatever you choose.
Hey, you can always choose again.
This is not the end.
P.S - This is what I teach in Programmed to Win. My 5-week, transformational mindset course for humans who want to drink all the nectar of life, to develop a framework for living which brings exponential growth in all areas of life, inner peace, emotional freedom, and unstoppable confidence to create anything you desire in record time.
Let me show you how!