What to do when you want to shrink...

Hayley Carr International - Life Coach

I want to invite you to something that sounds quite controversial today.

This may even feel a little confronting, but it's an important message if you ever feel like you're too sensitive for the world, or when you've done something brave, put yourself "out there," and it hasn't entirely gone as you've liked. For those moments when it's all too much for you, or you feel things are all too much.

Or, if you ever fear that if you become more of who you are - if you express yourself more freely, more sexually, more openly, more vividly, more weirdly... you'll be too much for others to take. You begin to doubt that what you feel inside of you is even real.

You'll be cast away!

First of all, let it be known it's a law of nature that when you're afraid of something, trying to avoid something, or trying to make yourself really small and invisible ... you bring it right to you - real quick.

Like when you're in your daggy's and just popped up to the shops for some milk and you ran into an old high school friend.

We attract what we fear.

Why? Because we feel it. Hard. It's not about thinking, it's about feeling. Heightened fear, uplevels your metaphysical energy, and really, it's like having a flamingo-coloured, buzzing neon sign in the shape of an arrow dazzling above your head saying, "Universe! Yoooooo hoooooooooo! Over here! Winky wink! I might be ducking down in between the frozen veggies section and the ice cream but I'm right heeeeeeere!"

When you're really thinking to yourself, "It's all too much"... "I'M too much"... you'll also then search for examples of that too much-ness to be true - and you'll find them, cementing your belief, and causing you to continue the cycle of the behaviour of shrinking or hiding or feeling bad about yourself. Essentially saying to the metaphysical electrician who clearly follows you around in an invisibility cape and controls the brightness of the light above your head... "Hey, mate! Turn up that arrow light!"

Shrinking is a result of looking around you, making-up what you perceive the world is thinking, saying, believing... (making big, fat, bold, assumptions!) and then deciding:

1 - That you, as a human, don't fit the mold, and,

2 - It's dangerous to not fit the mold, and

3 - What to do about it, is to keep your valid feelings and your weirdness, and your raw, natural state, in your back pocket and pretend to be like everyone else so you don't "upset that apple-cart."

Three beliefs (decisions) which cause you to shrink.

The same three beliefs which also continue the delusion there's a mold to be fit in the first place (cos anyone who doesn't fit is hiding the fuck out near the ice cream!).

Whenever you experience the desire to shrink - when you run into an ex in your daggy's, when you get "called out" for doing something incorrectly, when you are really being vulnerable and telling the truth in a world where people are used to getting their back up and wearing masks... and you want to shrink...

Go Bigger. Lean In. Let them "have it".

1 - There is no mold. If there was, we would all be the same in the first place.

2 - The most dangerous thing you can do in this life is cut off a piece of who you are to "fit in" or "not upset the apple cart." In cutting off who you are, you deny life of what makes you you. And there's only one you, and you're the only one who can do it.

3 - The best thing you can do about this is recognise that maybe you're here to be the one who does it first. Maybe you're the one who sees it right now, and others don't. Maybe by you leaning in, going bigger, and letting life have it... you'll give someone else permission to do the same.

You're here, at this fork in the road. And you can choose to hide, sure, it's the easy option... in the short term.

But what's the danger in the long-term?

What's the damage you do to yourself by cutting off a piece of who you are, not fully expressing yourself, or not accepting yourself, ultimately?

What's the cost of you continuing the delusion for others that there's a mold to be filled and everyone around here fit's it (because they don't know everyone else is all hidin' out in the ice cream section!)

In every moment, you have a choice to continue a fake cycle, or, step out and start carving a new path. A new neural pathway for yourself, and a new metaphorical "path" for others to also lean into.

The key is total, unconditional love and acceptance of the self, no matter what.

No matter if people think you're too much, or not enough - you're good with who you are.

No matter if you're wearing your daggy's and you run into your high school ex - you're good with the fact you're a human who wears daggy's. You're not here to pretend.

No matter if you're outcast by the cool kids for not doing it their way - you're good with your way.

No matter if telling the truth upfront in an industry where everyone is trying to cover their own ass for as long as possible and you're a lone, truth-telling wolf.

No matter... you're good.

Imagine this:

The bigger you go, the less they can touch you.

The more "you" you are, the more you unconditinally accept every part of who you are, the less people or situations bother you. You become the kind of bulletproof you thought you had to be in this world before, except, without the fake masks, the ass-covering, and the boring, still, apple-cart.

You'll accept yourself so deeply, you'll speak up and not care what you look or sound like. It's just your truth and that's all it is.

You'll not second guess your desires, your values, and what makes you happy. You'll own them, and build a life, and a legacy upon them.

And as a result, Two things will happen.

1 - The people who wish to continue the delusion of the mold will naturally fall away - there won't be any effort on your part - you'll be vibrating at a different frequency and won't even notice each other.

2 - The people who are also free of the delusion will be ready and waiting for you. Ready to go mess up some apple carts with you!

So next time you start feeling like you're too much? Hand on your belly, big deep breath, and say to yourself, "I love and accept myself, no matter what"... (you can say it in your inside voice if you really need to, although it kinda defeats the purpose of not being too much in a way, doesn't it!)

It's a reminder. Have your own back.

Your feelings are valid.

Your desires are valid.

Your needs deserve to be met too.

And you don't need permission to do it.

So own ALL of you, and go bigger. Lean in. Stay there. If you feel like you're too much, own it. If you feel like you're too "out-there", own it. If you think there's something you need to hide in your strategy, share it. If you think "nobody is going to accept me", accept yourself, and go bigger. Let people see you as you are, in all your glory - the way you love to be - especially when nobody is watching.

I promise, while some people may not accept you - they have their own rights to do as they wish too, after all - YOU will feel more you than ever, and your people will slowly start to come out of the woodwork.

Think of "you being you... ALL of you", like a filter.

The more you let the world see you, the less work you have to do to find out who has what it takes to stick around, and whose going to fall away.

The more you let the world see "you", the less danger you're in - because nobody can argue with the truth. All THEY wanna do is lean in.

If you've read this far, I have a secret to tell you...

You're a leader.

You'll be the first to go bigger, wider, weirder, lean in farther.

Then, others will. They'll appreciate you went first.

Stay Curious, Stay open.

The life you crave is so much closer than you think.


Hayley xx