2016 - The Year I Let it all Go… and everything came back brighter.
I thought about not writing this post. I wondered if it might be selfish to post something purely written about myself. And then I remembered why I am here. I’m here, to be honest with you. And to encourage you to be honest with yourself.
What I have written here is an account not simply of the year, but a recount of what I’ve learned this year from the events which have rocked my world.
In doing so, and in opening up this conversation, it’s my hope that you will today, take some time to think seriously and deeply about what you have learned this year - and honour yourself for how far you’ve come - a year is a long time! - by writing the lessons down. (It also cements them in so you don’t have to learn them again.)
I hope you enjoy my lessons.
2016 was the year all the open loops were closed, and the unfinished business was finished, and my whole world opened up anew. The year everything laying under the surface unresolved, was brought to the light and cleared up. It was a year of cutting through layers of fog, and no longer accepting anything less than what it is I truly desire. It’s been miraculous, potent, and most of all, deeply healing. If I had to draw a picture, it wouldn't be a big one. It would be picture of a hole an inch wide and a mile deep. Everything got clearer. Something shifted and I feel like a different woman.
I moved house twice, made a bunch of beautiful new friends, moved across the country once, sold or gave away everything I owned for the second time, made huge leaps in my professional life, had some really tough conversations, a court case, an almost fatal car accident, some beautiful surfs and moments in nature, spent unforgettable time away with family and friends and went deeper in my healing and health than ever before and, fell totally head over heels in love.
I wonder if every year feels big simply because upon reflecting, any lesson can shake your life…
In Any Case,
Book of the Year: Big Magic. Elizabeth Gilbert. Movie of the Year: The Great Gatsby. Not sure if that came out this year, but I only saw it a few months ago and almost died with delight. Song of the Year: Higher Love. This version. Quote of the Year: “Nature Does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished” - Lao Tzu.
The Theme for 2016? IT’S OK.
12 lessons from 2016.
It’s OK to out-grow your mentors.
I have been absolutely blessed in my life to have worked with some incredible human beings. Some of the top thinkers and performers - in my opinion - in the world. I will always be a life long learner. Ever curious. I hope I am still as insatiably curious when I am 99 as I am today, almost nine years in to running my business.
I came to a realisation earlier this year that at once scared and excited me. It was time to move on from someone I had looked up to for a long time. This was super scary, because I had grown to believe I needed this person on my team in order to succeed - and exciting to release this is exactly NOT the kind of energy I want to keep in my sphere.
Instant freedom, endless gratitude, boundless new beginning. For the first time, I realised how far I had come, and that I was ready for a new level, and to claim some more of my own space.
It’s OK to set your own terms.
The Universe loves a statement maker. I love taking stock of whats working and what’s not on a regular basis, and testing the waters of what’s possible.
My friend Amanda came to stay from the States and she inspired me (read: dared!) to shorten my working days and see what happened. She dared me to shorten them to three hours. At the time, I was working eight.
I worked 3 hours a day for a month - and I haven't looked back from this mentality. I started showing up with FAR more presence and productivity, having more fun and time out, and guess what - my business grew. Because I was placing potent actions in the pot with present rest. Magical combination I must say!
This drastic dare had me thinking differently about truly what was MY role here, and what I could delegate to others. It saw me swiftly hire some support, and let go of the tasks that truly do not make a big difference in my mission. I’m currently sitting back on around 4-5 hour days, and excited to leverage myself a little more in 2017 to bring it back down to three and see what happens.
Setting these terms felt weird and scary and impossible. And it worked out more than fine. “What do I know, huh!”
Lesson? Make a statement - and trust if it feels good, it’s meant for you.
It’s OK to assert your worth. Even when you’re called crazy.
This lesson is almost the entire reason I didn't want to write this post. Despite the rawness of the situation having melted away somewhat entirely, this was the biggest blow the universe delivered to me all year. But it’s a pretty vulnerable share.
The reason I am sharing it here, is because this is where I’m sharing what I learned - and this lesson was by far the catalyst for all the other lessons. But the problem is this: I cant actually tell you the whole story.
I had it all written here a week ago - but have been given some very caring advice that, it’s not within my best safety interests to share details. I feel really conflicted about it, because after my experience, I am passionate about helping to resolve the issue on a much larger scale - and yet here I am with help to give and legally I cant even share my story, because I may not be safe to do so. I have to protect this persons privacy. By law. How intergalactically stupid.
In fact, I’ve been almost holding my breath until I could share it. Not only would it feel very healing for me, I just feel so strongly that these stories must be shared completely so those going through it have hope, and know they are not alone.
There’s something really wrong with this system - which is why I’m passionate about helping to make a change somehow. But, not today.
So I’ll give you the broader details. I’m sure you can fill in the rest.
I dated a guy. He was a little angry in the beginning, and then it got worse. I thought I could help and I really loved him. I couldn’t. We broke up - more than once. We tried to be friends, it didn't work, and the end result was being stalked by an abusive, narcissistic master manipulator. The police were involved, I had to take out an apprehended domestic violence order, they told me not to believe anything he had ever told me because he was displaying stalker behaviour.
It all turned terribly sour in a heartbeat, and never in a million years would I have expected that result. I was paranoid. Shocked. Violated. Scared witless, and suffered night terrors for about a month. I was safe and unhurt, yet I know I got off easy - and I know this is not how simply it ends for some.
Those awful stories could have easily been me. I did not feel safe at home by myself, or even out on the street where others could see me for quite some time. I lost a lot of weight, and I was afraid of wearing tight or even slightly revealing clothing despite it was summer - and I had trouble looking men in the eye for a good few months. I was really fragile.
I know why it happened. I wasn't standing up for myself or speaking up in a few different situations. This was hi-lighting a deep seeded belief I held that I wasn't worthy (which I wasn't aware of), and I wasn't listening to those little niggling signs life had been sending me for the past few months. Heck maybe even years.
And we both know what she does when you don’t listen to her. (hello feather, lemon, brick, truck!!!)
I had allowed myself to be a bit of a pushover for some time, and I was getting frustrated - but not really taking the actions I knew would clear things up in any particular area. I was afraid of looking like an idiot, being outcast, or having others not like me.
Well I had to get over that pretty darn quick.
Anyway, I’m sure you get the picture.
Here’s what I learned:
- Never judge someone who is in an abusive relationship for not leaving. Often they are unaware the behaviour is not acceptable, and it’s not unacceptable 100% of the time. Also, bad behaviour doesn't equal loveless. What we should be asking, is why the partner is treating them this way in the first place.
- It can happen to anyone. Even happy bubbly confident life coaches can be manipulated by master manipulators.
- I am strong. And It’s OK for me to stand up for myself, and be called crazy and psycho and still do what feels right anyway. This has been applicable to everywhere in the rest of my life. It’s way more fun to not give a hoot what others think any more once you’ve been through that kind of experience.
- I am worthy. In order to walk away, I had to see a light through the fog doubt, fear, guilt and potential downfall of someone I loved - and do what was right for me and me only, to keep myself safe. This means more to me than anything now. I fought for my worthiness.
- Friendships - given the opportunity - can floor you. My girlfriends at this time… I can not even begin to put into words how humbling it was to be so supported by these women. They came over and helped me pack when I was so jumpy and scared I couldn't even be in my bedroom alone, they took me in and fed me and I stayed with them in their houses, and they let me weep and let it all out wherever I was. I say to them all the time, there’s not a part of me they haven't seen… it’s the nicest feeling in the world to be so vulnerable and yet so cared for.
- Forgiveness and gratitude really do heal. If I saw this guy on the street today I’m OK with it. I don’t need to talk to him, or be his friend ever again, but I have forgiven him - and myself for getting into that situation in the first place - and even found internal gratitude for what we had, and what he has taught me.What a soul contact for him to sign. Thankyou. You taught me how to feel more worthy than ever.
It’s OK to change your mind.
To keep with the theme of relationships, this lesson was only learned because I learned at a whole new level, that I was worthy.
I pride myself on making big decisions well. That is, I sometimes make them slowly, but I make them from my heart - and once it’s made, it’s made.
I went back on my own word earlier this year - and unfortunately, it created some disappointment and hurt for myself and for others.
There was another, most absolutely wonderful human being in my life whom I almost crossed the line with. I wasn't out of alignment - I was completely honest in every moment. But honestly doesn't always mean it’s all smooth and clean.
Only once the unspoken word was spoken, could I see that this was absolutely the wrong step for both of us to take. And it was messy - because I changed my mind.
So I pulled back. And I caused huge disappointment, and hurt. I don’t like that I hurt someone I care about - and yet there was nothing else I could do. It would save us both a lot of hurt in the future if I wasn't completely honest and upfront.
Being completely truthful is a skill. And it’s not always going to bring a great response. But it sure does speed up the inevitable, and gives people a true experience of you - I don’t believe anyone can argue with that.
It’s OK to say it like it is. Speaking up is a Fun Game.
Things only change when the unspoken word is spoken. Do it within a framework that it’s OK to do so - meaning, ask permission or wait to be asked of your opinion… but when you do, get excited.
There’s often two scripts running. One thats going to suit this moment, and one that is the absolute vulnerable raw funny weird apple-cart-shaking truth. Say that one.
Watch what happens to your life.
It’s OK to fall completely in love.
It was by a miracle of timing and the universe I met him. We live on almost opposite sides of the country, he was in my town by accident, for two days passing through. I had no intention of meeting anyone. He had no intention of ever being in a relationship.
When I did meet him, this didn't seem like “it”… mostly because I was very very closed off to relationship due to what had happened previously that year. Frankly, I was scared outta my wits.
I put up a good fight too. But when it’s right, its easy and it’s divine.
I felt safe having my cards so close to my chest after what I had been through. And at the same time, I knew I was worthy of deep love. I knew because of the stand I had taken for myself on so many accounts in the past year. How could I not be after how hard I had fought for my own worthiness.
The feeling of falling in love with someone, for me, was both exhilarating and frightening. The more I opened up, the more I knew I was risking myself, and I feared I couldn't actually handle another heartbreak that year.
But he is right for me, and so I was completely safe to do so. I now know in hindsight that had he not been right, after all the work I had done this year, I would have known straight away, and I wouldn't have gone any further. This man is like nobody I have ever met, and he’s everything I’ve always imagined and known was possible - but never ever seen. So it was natural.
Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all.
I remember my best friend Jules saying to me “OK Hayley, sure, don’t take a risk. Just sit here and stay scared of the rest of your life and hold on tight to the past, That’s Cool.”
HA! She’s so great. And so I fell. We both risked it all, laid all our cards on the table, and went all in. No games, no expectations, no withholding. Finally it was safe for me to go all in. I had been gifted the lesson of knowing what I was worthy of, and within months, he showed up.
And when it’s there, and you’re honestly in the right place, it’s OK to go for it.
It’s OK to go with the flow, even if the flow is flowing in an unexpected direction.
Sometimes she speaks up and she makes not a dime of sense.
I had spent the past three years building a life in paradise. I lived on a dream property overlooking hills, with farm animals, in the hinterland of Byron Bay. Almost every day, I saw my best friends for a healthy cafe stop, and had the ability to surf some of the most perfect waves in the world every single day within a ten minute drive from home. It was warm I didn't have to put on a big wetsuit to go surfing, and life felt easy for me in the heat - I’m hopeless in the cold. I even loved my housemates like family.
I was quite literally, living my dream in paradise.
Then I met captain dreamboat who lives in the coldest place in the world. (I’m being dramatic for dramatic effect but lets also be realistic and say that wearing a puffer Jacket in December in Australia is not normal - so it is preteetty cold).
Despite living in my dream place, in paradise, with incredible circles of friends and support and a community vibe I adored, and rituals that made my heart sing, and everything I loved available to me in arms reach… it was now missing something. And that thing was him.
All of a sudden things felt… a little hard. And just hearing his voice on the phone was enlightening - and not enough. But I held on to my thoughts. You’re living the dream, he’s coming here eventually, it’s all good.
And then, like that subtle push from mama nooniverse always does, I was being pushed in a new direction. One that made zero sense - at the time.
Best housemate ever is moving. Like, in 2 weeks. I’m not in town for another week. I gotta take over the lease, and potentially find someone else to live with (The most painful thing ever in Byron Bay when you work from home) and I have about 3 face-to-face-days to do so. I was going away for almost 5 weeks to attend 3 weddings in a row and two business conferences. I wont even be there. Then it’s Christmas and New year, and I’ll be away for that too, visiting family. And then Every few weeks I’ll be down visiting mr dreamboat for at least a week or two.
I felt the cunnundrum.
Now what’s funny here is that usually, this kind of conundrum is no big deal at all. A non-issue in fact. I’d just get on with it, and everything would work out - and I knew it could. But suddenly my head was being pulled in one direction, my heart in another.
My gentleman friend - let’s call him Jamie because that’s his name - invited me to move in with him whenever I liked. And despite paradise found in Byron and how attached I was to it, it was a big fat HELL YES to move.
It didn't make logical sense - because we both know Byron is where we will end up, so we were planning on just waiting and getting him up there, but remaining open and intuitive, the directions you get rarely do make sense. It was such a strong feeling of “yes” there was no way if ignoring it. Aside from this, the timing was perfect, and my work allows me to work from anywhere. It was time for a new adventure.
My besties hated me for about a week and a half but they also said they’d do the same thing and supported me. Then it was time to move. I sold or gave away everything I owned easily (a good sign you’re on the right track) within a week, and packed what could remain in the back of my car, and my love and I drove south to start a new adventure.
It has seriously been the most fun and exciting experience for me ever since.
At times, I miss my friends, family, and the heat, but those are only the times I am forgetting to be present. Everything here feel so easy, flowing and fun, and I’m lucky enough to be able to explore a part of Australia I may have never even seen -which lights me up so much. Also, Jamie has beautiful friends and family who have made me feel really welcome, and we are loving getting to spend every day doing the living thing together.
With the spare time I have from not surfing and having the typical Byron distractions, I have excitedly finished a few creative projects I could never quite get around to, developed a solid at-home yoga practise, had plenty of extra time to read and learn and relax, and had time to spend with him and his friends, and, I learned how to cook great meals - which he is delighted by. He builds me awesome stuff and I cook him awesome food. It’s great fun.
Also, my aversion to the cold is becoming more of an appreciation and respect for what it brings, and a gratitude for mother natures powerful control - rather than a reason to scuff and stay in Byron forever. Who would have thought!
Not me. But this is what happens when you follow the intelligence of your heart rather than the interference from your mind. Stay open friends. Magic is everywhere.
It’s OK to Expect Miracles.
Confession: I am a spirit Junkie. I have studied with Gabrielle Bernstein in her Spirit Junkie masterclass, I’m a student of A Course in Miracles, I have a psychic medium on my team, and I am ever curious about metaphysics and the world beyond that we see. I love religion in every form, and I am fascinated by the proven benefits of faith on the body.
I ask for miracles, and I expect them daily.
And I receive.
This year I learned from my beautiful psychic medium friend Calise Simone what a sign really is, and that my Nana, who passed away when I was 14, is one of the supportive energies backing me and keeping me safe - also, she plays funny tricks to get my attention as signs. (Irish heritage, thanks!)
Jules and I had booked a trip to Hawaii. By the result of a series of events, we decided not to take this trip. It simply wasn't flowing for us - but we were both SUPER disappointed.
It was meant to be a trip for Jules 40th birthday, she was pumped to travel overseas, and I was so excited to have a travel buddy and explore a new place with someone who officially made me minister for activities.
But nothing was right about it when the time came. For SO Many reasons. We knew it, we were just disappointed by it. I remember saying to Jules on the day we made the call to not go, “I believe you are supposed to go overseas on your own actually. I don’t know why but I do know there’s a better option for you - and that’s why this isn't happening.” Haha. She didn't like me very much in that moment because she was attached to going then and there - but it’s how I felt.
We had bought the tickets as sale fares on a whim, so we assumed there’d be no refunds, and decided to just write the expense off and get on with it.
About a week after we decided to cancel the trip was when Jamie and I decided to move in together. The date was set for the day we were supposed to take off to Hawaii.
Now as you probably know, making these decisions to make a big life change is challenging enough… and it doesn't always end after the decision is made. As I packed my things and sold my other things and started saying goodbye and wiping away tears and feeling nostalgic over everything I loved about this beautiful place… even though I knew I was doing the right thing going, and my friends knew it too, fear crept in.
I don’t even know what I was scared of - maybe I just realised for the first time how much had happened. I was driving the last load of belongings to drop off at a friends place, the night before the move was happening, and as that fear came up I decided immediately to ask for a sign.
I literally said out aloud as I was driving… “Nana, I know you’re there - I know I’m doing the right thing but I would love a sign from you. to know everything is on track. I expect a miracle! Please make it funny, light-hearted, not painful, but super freaken' obvious. Please and Thankyou!”
And then I forgot about it.
The next morning I woke up, and got the last bits of cleaning done in the house I had come to love, and headed down to my friends place where I was staying for a week before the long drive south to start the next chapter.
As pulled into the driveway I thought to myself, hmm.. Jules and I would be at the airport by now if we were going to Hawaii.How funny that instead of heading north on a tropical girls holiday, I’m leaving this place altogether to move south to the cold. It was take-off day after all. It felt like a world away, and yet a part of me still wondered if I had just worked a little harder if I could have made that happen.
I picked up my phone, and I saw the miracle text message.
“Jetstar regrets to inform you that flight JQXXXX to Honolulu has been cancelled. We are sorry for any inconvenience”.
I was stunned. This is hillarious! Thankyou! Thankyou! Thankyou! Nana, you Charmer.
I immediately texted Jules, and she quick-wittedly called Jetstar. Hilariously, we were gifted a full refund for the inconvenience of us not being able to take the flight we were never going to take, and also given a $50 gift voucher to thank us for being awesome.
… enough said.
Friendships evolve - and that’s OK.
Friends are plutonic lovers. Our chosen family. They make life incredible.
And sometimes, like lovers, they may not be in our lives forever. But unlike lovers, there's no “break-up”. It’s just a slow break-down that often goes un-noticed until something shocks the realisation that you’re no longer compatible. And it’s completely OK, and natural, and at once heartbreaking if it drags on.
When you start living. Really, truly living - in accordance with your true self and your true desires, the knock on effect is that everything starts to show up as “in alignment” or not.
I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather live a life where I am not liked for being myself, than liked for being something I am not.
When you start to allow this to just be, there’s a lot of space created. And if you lean into that space, and keep living what’s true, and being kind to yourself, you set a new standard for your life - and that space gets filled with only more of what nurtures you. Naturally. Often without a break up conversation, but sometimes, in an even more beautiful way, you get to experience your current friends in a deeper way you didn’t know was possible - such as, with the case of
It’s OK to grow. There’s always more magic where the magic comes from. And where there's more space in growth, it gets filled with what aligns.
It’s OK to do the scary thing.
Every new level requires a new version of you. This version takes all the lessons, useful attributes and skills and compiles them as the entry-level requirements for the new.
For about four or five years now I have had this whispering voice telling me I needed to quit drinking completely - for longer than a little while… It was seriously not a cool voice, so I just ignored it. But it’s been there for bloody ages.
I’ve known since, that my relationship to alcohol was unhealthy. Please understand this - my definition of unhealthy is likely different to yours.
I drink at special occasions, and sometimes every other week. Not a lot by anyones standard. And when I do, it’s a few and them I’m done. Mostly because I can't handle it. BUT. Every now and then, it was easy to be convinced to just “have a big one”.
And maaaaaan was I fun. Espresso martinis and a great playlist make for adventures, mischief and laughs-a-plenty.
But my heath has suffered. My digestive system has been so sensitive since I was ill with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome eight years ago, I really simply can't handle certain things in my body that most others can tolerate normally on any day. Alcohol is one of them - but I loved and enjoyed my nostalgically European appreciation for a great drop of vino, and I certainly did not want to give up my favourite thing with a special occasion.
Anyway, this lesson is not about being a teetotaller, I simply realised this was the big scary impossible thing (I thought was unnecessary because I didn't have a lot of) - and yet again, intuition made no sense and told me it was time to quit.
I was so freaken’ scared to do it. “Forever” seemed like too long to have FOMO. So I went with 90 days.
I had 3 weddings of family and best friends coming up. The only 3 weddings of the year. And I knew I wouldn't be able to wait until they were over to start taking better care of my health and take my eating up a notch… because then comes Christmas and New year. There’s never a great time to start doing the things we’re afraid of. And I was already quite sick for a few months, just waiting for “the right time”.
This time - rather than eating and drinking clean being for the preparation of a specific event like a big Karate tournament - it felt different. I had this feeling if I did it, my whole life was going to change.
So I made the call, got some support, and stopped immediately.
Guess what - my gut was right. Surprise surprise.
I already feel more aligned with what I believe in, about taking care of my body. Especially as someone who is, as herself, her own business. This was unexpected to be honest. I didn't think this small “thing” was having an effect on how I felt about myself.
I now feel clear - all the time. I’m rested and well - all the time. The decision process has been removed and I can focus on just being present and enjoying people's company. I don’t have hangovers. Ever. And my creativity and tolerance and belief in myself, and my resilience to do the things I say I am going to do have skyrocketed.
I guess there was a part of me that always doubted myself because I knew there was this thing I needed to do and I wasn't willing to do it - and so I felt like I wasn't being authentic.
I am braver. I face fear completely clear. And every experience I have now is felt with deep awareness.
Make no mistake it’s only been just under 2 months at the time of writing - but I’ve already skipped a lot of the silly season and I feel I’ve skipped a years worth of partying not drinking at the big events of the year I’ve attended in this time. Will it be forever? ha! For now, it feels great. That’s all I need to know.
I don’t believe this has so much to do with alcohol, although yes, these are all typical side effects of not drinking - but mostly, because I did the thing I believed was impossible. My impossible goal. I did it, and it was easier than thought when I focused on it.
I feel like I can do anything because I did this.
And now I can get to work on my next impossible goal (which is going tone way easier with this new found clarity and energy).
It’s OK to let go of the way you think.
Through the process of quitting alcohol, It was brought o my attention that I had some less than fun thought processes that liked to rule the roost of my subconscious come wedding/party/celebration time.
I had no idea, until I reached a point where I made a decision from a space of love, that I wanted to experience something new.
All of a sudden, I noticed these thoughts.
“What if I lose all my friends because I’m no longer fun and want to join in the drinking? What happens when we do the wine thing? I’ll feel like such an outsider”
“What if my boyfriend gets uncomfortable and changes his mind about me because I don’t want to drink?”
“What if I’m actually no fun?”
“What if I decide to do it and then I can’t? What if I fail?”
Then, my love logic would then step in and say,
“HEY! Hayls! You’re actually the same person sober anyway - you know that - you’ve gone out plenty of times and had just as much fun not drinking…”
and other nice things.
And even though I knew that was true, the fear felt very real.
It was at this time I remembered something I say to my clients all the time:
When you’re headed towards something you want, and fear comes up, know you know you’re in the right place.
Everything fear says at this time, is just your ego’s way of making an attempt to keep you in the same place. Hear what fear is saying, acknowledge it, say thankyou, and then chose another thought. One that's almost completely the opposite.
I decided to flirt with this idea for myself once again.
I decided to change my thoughts to a rather mothering, straight-up tone, “Hayley your friends love you regardless of what you put in your mouth. You’re worth more than that. For goodness sake you’re being so dramatic - you’re going to miss all the fun!”
And then much like a realisation I had 2 years ago that it wasn't travel that makes my life feel in flow, it’s because I am completely present and grateful when I travel, I realised I could apply the same principle to this situation.
I thought I needed “this thing outside of me” to be more fun, cheeky and playful and wild. Another layer just fell right off then and there.
I don’t need alcohol to be any of those things. They’re all me anyway! I just need to be totally present.
Sounds like I had a really obvious realisation in reading that back - but in all honesty at the time, I was confused and weirded out by my brain. I had to go through this process, and it felt like a revelation!
Moral of the story: Recognition and acknowledgement of the fear based thoughts that dictate our actions leads to an ability to have a new choice - and change those thoughts. And when you change or re-pattern them… you get to have a completely new experience of the world.
I have had so much fun going out sober and being present these past few months. It’s such a delicious feeling.
It’s OK to live exactly how you want - and it’s OK to aim for the best.
My final lesson of the year.
My next big impossible goal revealed itself soon after I realised I could carry on not drinking and be cool with it. And I noticed all those old thoughts come up.
“You ‘re not good enough to do that yet” “You’re just asking too much of yourself, that’s not necessary” “Why do you have to do that?” “That’s not possible. Maybe wait a few years until you’ve done _____” “You need______ before you can do ______”. “Holy moly I want to do that so bad but there’s no way I could do that”.
Actually, Ive known this was what I wanted to do for about three years now. Its something that makes complete sense to me, who I am and what I stand for.
And there I was. I had just proven to myself it was possible to overcome the impossible. So why hadn't I started?
Because it felt impossible. Duh! Too big. Too far out. I had too many other things I should just quickly do first (truth be told I was procrastinating).
Every new level requires a new version of us. And you can start your growth right away. And what you will find, is that when you go for the thing you truly want and feels impossible, your first action steps reveal themselves immediately. This is all you need - the first action step.
My friend Andrew used to say, “All we need to know is phase one. Once phase one is done, then there are no phases left - and so whatever would have been phase two is now phase one anyway. And sometimes once you do phase one you realise what would have been phase two is not necessary. So all we ever need to know, is phase one, and then… phase one.”
I really like that. It makes everything feel easier. Especially when you’re making up life as you go.
So I decided that yes, I can do what I want. No, my thoughts are not real, and the first action step was really obvious.
I want you to finish the year strong. Give yourself permission to take some time and think about what you think is impossible for you. That’s it. That’s what you really want.
Then, give yourself permission to want it. Pretend you’re someone else if you need to - “one of those other people who actually goes for it” if you must, - and imagine what it must feel like to be that person for a moment - to decide what they want, and feel the feelings of having it. Imagine how excited they feel by the visions of being the person who is doing or being or having it. And allow yourself to full want what you want.
When you give yourself that level of permission, your fear based thoughts will start going crazy. Let them be there. Acknowledge them, thank them, and turn them away to walk out the front door while you let in a new set of thoughts.
Then ask yourself, what’s the first thing that I can do to make this happen? Maybe it’s picking up the phone, and calling someone who knows more about it - or, it’s getting on google.
Your to-do list will become very small. Because if it doesn't align with this bigger vision, it won't feel very exciting. It will feel like a time-waster. You’ll have found your mission for the next little while.
Play with it.
Do it now. Finish the year strong - clear on your next impossible goal, and clear on what’s in alignment with it, and what's not.
I sincerely hope you’ve enjoyed my reflection - and more importantly, I hope it’s inspired you to head off to a cafe and take some time to write out your own. The lessons you gain from your experiences determine the outcome of your life. Everything is an adventure.
May you reach you impossible goals. May you speak up, move on, let go, start, stop, say yes, say no, do the scary things, change your mind, set your own terms, go with the flow, fall deeply in love with something or someone (maybe you) and always expect miracles.
You’ve got this.
Love, Hayley x x
P.S - What did you learn this year from what happened? I’d love to know your biggest insights and how they came to you. Life certainly delivers in perfect timing - leave me a comment below and share with me either your post, or, your lessons.