Healing your Lineage...
…Fast and slow - things to be aware of during the holidays
As we move into the holidays, it’s really common for people to feel stressed about hanging out with family members. It can be a challenging time for many reasons.
If you are someone who is taking a stand for what goes on in your life, you are saying that the limiting ideas, struggles and beliefs that have been passed through the generations stop with you.
You are shifting and healing your lineage and that can be hard work.
This episode is an invitation for you to let go of the need for validation and approval for the work you are doing.
Not everyone will get it but the change you are making in your life will impact many.
So shifting a lineage happens slowly in the sense that it's moment by moment but it happens every time you make a new choice in alignment with what you want and that is fast. That is a momentary action.
Feel proud about the way you are showing up in an intentional way. You are making a bigger difference than you realise.
See below for a full transcript.
Don’t forget to go to the bottom of this page and let me know in the comments any questions or what you think or just share the love on social. Thanks
Introduced in the podcast is a new Free
Hayley introduces this by with the following:
‘This is is a tool that I have used for many years to coach my athlete clients, performers, top business executives, I've used it myself in high stakes, sort of circumstances and it's just a fantastic tool to know and understand so that you can coach yourself through many different situations and I feel like coming up to the holidays, it's a really great skill to have.’
This course includes 4 Modules each with an audio session with Hayley.
Learn more about this Free Workshop which is incredibly valuable here.
Transcript of Podcast
Let's jump into today's episode. I wanted to talk to you about lineage. And this is a conversation I have in my course Superabundant in module four. It's about shifting lineage and transforming lineage and I wanted to have a conversation with you about it today because as we move into the holiday. It is really common for people to feel a little bit extra stress when hanging out with our lineage, our family members, blood related or not related, and it can be a challenging sort of a time.
I think one aspect of why this is challenging, there are so many aspects of why it is challenging, but one in particular one is when you are doing the work of clearing the lineage in the sense that you are essentially saying- it ends with me, the limiting ideas, the struggles that my family have had, the things my ancestors have been through, the things I don't want to pass onto the next generation.
Whether you are someone who wants to have children or not, we are alway passing on our beliefs and our ideas to those we serve and those we come into contact with. And we're making a difference both down lineage and with our friends, you know we have on impact on the people that we spend our time with. The people that we work with, who have impact on other people, their children. We might be an auntie and uncle, we always have an impact on people around us. So even if you don't think that your blood lineage is going to continue on with you,..
this is still really powerful work to do because you still have an impact on those around you
…and those people are continuing a bloodline. You never know the impact that you can have with somebody.
So lineage work is interesting because in some circles, it is believed that:
when you stop an interesting idea, a belief, a habit, a way of being, something that has been passed on generation to generation into you, when you stop that with you- when we say - this ends with me. We actually heal the lineage seven generations forward, and three back…
… and I love this idea. I love knowing that, if I do something that's good for me, it's good for everyone around me. It's good for people I don't even exist yet. It makes me feel like it was a great responsibility to be here.
It also makes me feel less responsibility around having to convince anyone of, you know, when you're doing the work and you kind of sometimes feel like you've got to convince or have people around you really understand what it is that you're doing and get it, like your partner or your parents or someone in your family. It can be really easy to feel like, and I know I'm not alone in this, to feel like we need other people to understand. I certainly felt that way when I first dove into personal development and changing my mindset and therefore my lineage.
And for some of us this work can feel really heavy. And for some of us we don't really think about it, but we don't realize the impact our energy and our changing our growth actually has on the people around us and those who are to come after us.
So lineage work is always happening. We're either continuing something or we're stopping a cycle of starting a new one,
…but either way around the time of the holidays, you know, what is it that the Dalai Lama said 'you think that you're really enlightened, go hang out with your family'. I feel like it's a really nice time to bring up this conversation.
So what I am here to bring you is an invitation to understand that you don't have to convince anybody of what it is that you're working on.
You don't have to have everybody understand who you are, what you're doing, why get it and be fully behind it, in order for it to still be okay, for it to happen in order, for it to be successful, in order for it to work.
In fact, you don't need anyone to approve of it. Except for you. If you're sold on you if you're sold on what it is that you're doing and why that's all that really matters.
And lineage work school of thought that I'm certainly subscribed to; It sort of says to us -you don't worry about having everybody understand because when you do the work for yourself, it naturally works back through the lineage and forward.
And so here's a couple of things I want you to know about lineage:
The first thing is that sometimes people believe that it's really slow to transform something that you've known your whole life. Something that you've known your whole life. We can be so bought into this idea that change is really hard and we need to struggle with it and it's difficult and it takes a long time.
And we need to be supported in order for ourselves to change like this. Not just the changes that we go through, but it's also the beliefs and mixed up stories about what else needs to be possible or available to us in order for us to have permission to change.
It's just not true.
If we think about our parents, and I'm technically a millennial. I'd say I'm like close to the end of where millennial generation started out. Sorry the beginning with millennial generation. Technically, I'm a millennial, I mean that crossover period of time, my parents were relatively young compared to me when they had me and my grandparents were even more young. And if I think about when my parents had me, they were raised by people who were younger than them when my grandparents had them, and those grandparents of mine were raised by people possibly even younger than them but you go back three generations, no matter how old you are, and the internet didn't exist.
Like listening to my voice off of this thing in your ears. You may or may not have a cord attached to your phone right now. It was just not possible. We couldn't we could not connect in this way we couldn't learn in this way. We did not have access, the amount of information and permission that we have. Now we didn't know often what was outside of our town. And if you go back even further, you know, we didn't have access to libraries and the only information that was in libraries was books written by men, women couldn't write books.
It's very interesting to really think about what happened in our lineage and where our parents get their beliefs and where their parents get their beliefs. If I really think about it. My parents were so much younger than me when they raised me their parents were so much younger than they were when they raised them. And this was at a time when you couldn't just get on a plane and fly to another country. It was a boat. If you get on a boat and sail for months, you risk your life and times were so very different.
And so we're living in a time now, and it's the end of 2021 our generation, we grew up with the internet and younger generation that don't know anything but having the internet in existence. So some generations saw the crossover and some obviously grew up with it but we had to have compassion for that. You know, it can be really frustrating to be with people who are ancestral in our lineage and they don't see the world like we do. But we have had opportunity to travel and research and learn in ways that our ancestors probably couldn't even comprehend. If we went all the way back in time and told them what was possible. Things happen so much faster. Our speed of learning is so much faster. Our rate of healing is so much faster our access to other communities. Other ways of being, knowledge. It's all being shared through our generations that exist today, in our healing heals, generations back and obviously generations forward.
It's just such powerful work.
But sometimes I know that people who are doing this work consciously because we are all doing it, whether it's unconscious or not. People who are doing this work consciously feel a great responsibility for others to get it and understand what they're doing. And I just, I really want to reiterate to you.
People don't have to get it in order to benefit from it.
We sometimes believe that it's slow because we grew up in our entire life, there was this pattern of thought or habit or way of being that is all that we knew until we had the beautiful privilege of walking away and exploring and learning in different ways. People who came before us didn't have access to so we can feel like because our life has been the way it has been for so long. What it means is that we've subscribed to a pattern and we've actually carved the path we ingrain it's so deep with every time we re-enact the habit or the limiting thought or the belief or the process.
So if you grew up and money was a struggle, if you grew up and quality health care was a struggle, if you grew up and you know love in your family was a struggle; then every time after you decided or believed that this is the way life works because that's how we learn how life works is through our experiences. Every time you saw evidence of that it's like a new little groove gets carved in our subconscious. So a new groove gets carved and carved, and carved as the groove gets deeper. It's very easy for our neural pathways. Or neural processing to just go down a path that has already been carved.
And so this lineage work can feel difficult because we're effectively carving a new path with each new thought.
But the thing is, it doesn't take that much to carve the new thought and in fact, this is what I'm here to share with you today. Is that it can be really, really quick.
And I'm talking like in under 15 minutes, you can do this. And the reason why we make it difficult, we think it's going to take a long time, we have to struggle with it, is because we are really golden in our love and respect for where we have come from many of us even if we don't like where we came from. And if life has been really difficult sometimes it feels like if I just change this thing really quickly inside of 15 minutes now:
A, there could be negative consequences to that, like people won't understand me and any kind of inner resistance to truly going for what you want any kind of inner resistance to full and complete healing can hold us back and slow down the process. So it is important if you feel like yeah, I really want to I really want to have this change. I really want to make this change but there is a secondary benefit to staying the same as a gain to staying the same and that is- I won't leave my family members. I won't lose friends. Right.
So these are the things that keep us feeling like we're in self sabotage when surely we just have two intentions heading in a different direction. Right. So we do this thing where because life has been difficult up until now we decide on some level very subconsciously because most people wouldn't do this consciously that I need to take a long time for this to change so that I can get used to me being different so that they can get used to me being different and to kind of almost pay an homage or respect to how difficult it's been up until now. I can't just change it because that would disregard it would negate how hard it's been up until now. But the thing is, it's not a problem that it can be easy to change it is…
..that we think it's a problem that it would be easy to change and …
…therefore anything less than changing quickly, as quick as we can as easily as we can is what negates how hard it's been up until now.
So I'll say that in another way. If you think that by slowing down your progress, you're respecting how hard it has been. What if we look at it from a different perspective.
What if you respect how difficult it has been by letting the change happen as quickly as possible and transforming it in honor of how difficult it has been?
I hope that makes sense.
But lineage work is fast and every single time you have an interesting idea, every single time you have a limiting belief a funny habit, certain fears are passed on from how we grew up, certain beliefs about what's safe and what's not, you know, like where to invest your money or what to do with your money or whether you should be working in this kind of job or that kind of job. These ideas often get passed on to us from our lineage from the people that we respect.
And it's really cool because every time we shift our beliefs, every time we take a new action in alignment with where we want to go as opposed to where we think we should go, we're doing lineage work. We're doing it so much more than we think.
And we learn our interesting ideas. We learn how to live from our lineage, we also learn how not to learn, how to stay safe, how to play small, what's right and what's wrong, and sometimes we don't question that.
So the key to a powerful future and the key to doing this lineage work in a way that feels easy and comfortable.-
Is first not really relying on everyone needing to understand it, you can just trust that by you transforming you change your lineage forwards and backwards and it's not our responsibility for how, when, why, if they get it, when they get it, how quickly they get it. It's just our responsibility to do our work.
But when you allow yourself to acknowledge how difficult it might have been up until now, how much this limiting idea impacts your life. You can also give yourself permission to change it quickly and therefore experience something new entirely. And the key to being able to do that is presence.
So our past, we learn from, our past contains memories, it's where we develop our beliefs, it's where we learned from our lineage, and we can take those lessons, but the future is not yet created. And the way that we create a different future from what has gone is by consciously making decisions in alignment with where it is that we want to go.
Because if you think about it, a lineage can continue into an up until as much as we are willing to continue the habits, thoughts, rituals, whatever of what has gone before us…
…and the minute we make a different choice, we start carving out a new path and so in each moment making a decision in alignment with where it is that we want to go and having an idea of where we want to go. That is what transforms the lineage.
So your presence and your intentionality and your ability to be in the moment and be really aware of who you are, what you're doing, what you're feeling and what you're feeling called to do what you feel like you should do versus what you want to do.
And then making a decision in alignment with where you want to go and that might be still in alignment with your lineage. It may not. The point is that you do it consciously. That's how you shift and transform.
So shifting a lineage happens slowly in the sense that it's moment by moment but it happens every time you make a new choice in alignment with what you want and that is fast. That is a momentary action.
So with this knowledge, I hope you go into your holiday season and you allow yourself to feel really proud of the way that you are showing up and intentional about where it is that you're going and knowing and trusting that you don't have to have anyone who understands necessarily in order for them to benefit and in fact, sometimes keeping it to yourself is beneficial, very beneficial the most beneficial because you don't have to convince anyone of anything. You can just be with them. You can just be with them.
Now in an upcoming podcast, I have a guide for becoming more compassionate to when you think people are crazy or stupid or, you know, different to you and how to stay compassionate, stay calm, stay expansive in the face of it all.
So I hope that you really enjoyed this episode today and I want to let you know that this has been let's call it sponsored by my NLP program your linguistic programming Be Your Own Coach, NLP Immersive, check out our invitation page and everything that we've got going on in this amazing seven months certification in NLP and coaching at the website….
…So what we've been talking about here today, you know, we have processes in my NLP training where in under 15 minutes, you can start to unstack and clear, deep seated emotions, beliefs, decisions, things that really get in the way that we have learned to do at a very unconscious level learned about the well the very unconscious level or decided at some point through a significant emotional event have occurred that hold us back and that prevent us from taking easy steps in the direction towards what it is that we want.
So the NLP immersive is not just for people who want to the coaches, you can certainly use your certification to be a coach. It's for anyone who's interested and we have students from all around the world who are in different walks of life, different stages of life, and who have really benefited and loved using this training. To secure a pay rises at work to get better at standing up for themselves and speaking up and leadership in meetings like really getting great at using linguistics to paint a picture and sell their ideas and what it is that they want as well as you know really supporting themselves to clear stuff from the past so they don't pass it on to their children to be wonderful parents, to grow coaching practice.
There's just so many ways that you can use it. NLP really just gives it a name and a pattern and a category and a structure and a process to everything that we do as human beings and it's so fascinating because once we can name things, we can place them together in different sequences and patterns and we can rewire them or we can change them and we can once we name them, we can see what it is so we can shift it and change it and do new things intentionally with it.
And so I find that it's just a brilliant handbook for how we do life and you do get a handbook you get a beautiful leather bound handbook that comes with the course so go and check it out at the website. If you're interested in it. …
…So I really hope to see you there if you're interested in it and if not, so Okay. I'm going to keep bringing you some really cool, interesting insights.
All of my coaching is based off of foundations of NLP, which I love and I'll see you in our next episode where I'm going to be talking about being more compassionate towards people that you think are crazy so I hope that you're having a wonderful end of 2021, it's been a wild year I will see you in the next episode,.
Stay Curious, Stay open. The life you crave is so much closer than you think.
LOVE
Hayley xx
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