How to: Visibility for anyone
…who identifies as a human
Today, I’m talking about being seen and visible.
This episode is for everyone who struggles with being seen.
Maybe you’re in business for yourself and visibility can be an issue for you or you feel awkward having attention on you or you don’t let yourself be seen in your relationships.
I talk about this topic with clients all of the time in all areas of their lives. We start off by reflecting on how we want to be seen and take steps from there.
I realised I was holding myself back because I believed that my audience wanted to see my life a certain way as a life coach.
We often believe that who we are is not enough so we just don’t want to be seen.
There is also a perceived (or real) risk of being seen as we are. But there is also a risk and cost of not being seen and massive energy used in hiding it.
We’ll discuss reprograming your mind to know you are enough, overcome the uncomfortable feeling of being visible and take action (more than once!).
Remember, on the inner landscape you’re worthy and valued, and on the outer landscape lock it in and practice.
See below for a full transcript.
Don’t forget to go to the bottom of this page and let me know in the comments any questions or what you think or just share the love on social. Thanks
Podcast transcript.
Gidday!, welcome back to SuperFreak it's so good to be back with you again for another episode. This one today is a little different. I want to talk to you about being seen and being visible.
So this is for you whether you are somebody who is in business for yourself, and visibility is a bit of a thing for you. You kind of you get nervous you feel awkward around being seen and having attention on you. But it also applies if you are someone who, let's say you're in a relationship and you know that you don't speak up eloquently and effectively in your relationship. You don't have effective communication strategies and you don't let yourself be seen, maybe seen in your body maybe seen for who you are, maybe seen for your quirks being seen in your relationship.
So visibility and being seen and I want to talk to you about how to do it. You're not going to like it but you'll thank me because it's honest. But visibility and being seen is a huge topic that I talk about with clients all the time whether they're business owners, whether they are career humans, whether they are lovers, whether they are wives and husbands, partners, kids, being seen is a thing right?
I want to talk about it in a couple of stages. Firstly, it's about knowing how you want to be seen. And this sometimes is just about acknowledging who you really are. What it is that you really like, you know and not putting on a show or putting on an act.
You know I was having a conversation with a client about the idea of depression, meaning deep rest, and this isn't to minimize, you know, clinical depression or anything like this, but it's a conversation that came up in one of our recent coaching sessions. Deep rest from the masks that we wear deep rest from the character that we have been playing, that we think we need to play or portray. It's really exhausting to not be ourselves in the world. It's actually super energizing to be who we really are.
Funny that right but how many times do you think you need to be more this or less that or we're too much here or we're not enough there because of what we've been taught or who we're hanging around or what we believe or have been taught to believe is true about how to be successful, how to be whatever, whatever right?
So being seen is first about knowing how you want to be seen. I want to tell you a little bit of a story.
A few years ago, more than a few years ago, in fact, I was living in a 'shouse' with my partner, now my husband, and when I say ‘shouse’ I mean shed/ house - like a mix between the two. It was this beautiful big old machinery shed and my partner had built a gorgeous apartment on the inside. So different. Definitely not a typical kind of living circumstance. We absolutely loved it.
….But I realized I had this funky idea in my head that in order for me to let myself be seen a little bit more. I couldn't let people really see where I lived. Because A- we wanted to keep it you know kind of secret. I'm a bit of a private person. But also I didn't feel I didn't, I didn't actually realize this was a thing until it came up.
I had a belief that like I needed to have a certain type of house or live in a certain type of place in order for, I don't know people to want to see where I lived. It was really funny when I picked it up. I loved where I lived, but I had this also belief at the same time that others would not love where I live, they expected me as a life coach to live in a very, at the risk of sounding terrible, you know, a very typical what you'd expect of a "successful" person, like I mansion somewhere or
I don't know, and it's not about something being right or wrong. It's about what's right for us, right. I don't think I'll ever live in a place like that. It's just not me. I live right now in a cabin by a river in the bush far away from lots of people and definitely not in a city. And that's my style, you know. So I realized I was holding myself back because I believed that my audience or people wanted to see a certain type of person in me that I wasn't, so I was holding back on really being seen for who I was, and actually thinking about it way too much.
So what it looked like for me and what it typically looks like for people who are afraid of being seen in some way, whether it's in business, in relationship, in friendship with your family, whatever it might be, is first of all, …
…that we believe that who we are is not enough.
That is a fundamental belief of not wanting to be seen, that who we are is just not quite enough. And then the second layer to that is believing that when we do reveal ourselves, like’ Hello, this is me.’ We're risking something and sometimes it genuinely is a risk like sometimes by letting people know who we really are. We are also letting them know that we are not who they have thought we are our whole lives.
I'm thinking of a client of mine who you know wants to come out to their family and that is a genuine risk, right. So yeah, it is a risk at times for other experiences there is more of a perceived risk than an actual risk. You know, like I perceive that if I tell my partner what I really want, what I really desire, what I'm really craving, they're going to judge me, or I perceived that if I let myself be seen as exactly who I am and I'm not enough.
Then I risk cutting out and and shutting off people that I care about, people that I want to be friends with, people that I love, people that I admire, people that I want to do business with, for letting them see me as exactly who I am. So there is a perceived risk or a real risk very much so in the experience of being seen and that's why people have a struggle with visibility.
But just please know the first thing is that it really comes from a deeply rooted idea that who we are in and of ourselves is not actually enough.
The way to flip this around, is by looking at it from the alternative risk.
What's the risk and what's the cost of me not letting myself be seen?
What is the risk and what is the cost of me not expressing myself are spending so much energy trying to hide that I live in this gorgeous ‘shouse’ in the middle of the country instead of a mansion in the city somewhere? What is the risk to me to my soul, to my friendships and my partnerships and my business relationships not really knowing who I am? What is the cost of all the time that I'm spending, trying to not look like exactly who I am? What's the cost of my energy? What's the cost to my confidence, what's the cost to my future, where I continue to go on not being seen?
I guarantee you when you look at that alternative risk, you can start to see that there are huge benefits that outweigh the fear and discomfort, most of the time of becoming more visible.
That's the first thing I want to say about visibility. It stems from a route that exactly who you are in this moment with all of your quirks, and all of your character, and all your uniqueness, and exactly how you look, and exactly who you are, and exactly what you love, and exactly where you live, and exactly what you wear is not enough.
And if we can overcome that, visibility is very easy. So if you want to, you know laser beam it straight to the heart of this,
I want you to start reminding yourself and telling yourself and reprogramming your mind to believe that you are enough exactly as you are in this moment.
That's what it stems from. But here's the other kicker. The other piece that I want to talk about when it comes to visibility, see I'm a trainer I train people in neuro linguistic programming, in my course Be Your Own Coach. I am a coach. I see people all the time and so often the thing that they want to work with me on is visibility.
Like how can I let myself be more visible I don't like this. I don't like that. I feel uncomfortable da da da. And I think there's this misconception that there's an insight that we're missing, or that there's an action that we can take or that there's some magical thing that our coach or mentor or healer is going to say to us that will turn it all around and have us instantly feel comfortable being visible.
The truth is if you've spent your whole life hiding, you are an expert at hiding. So visibility in any sense is going to feel uncomfortable AF it's going to feel awkward. It's going to feel clunky.
You're going to do it and you're going to kind of suck at it may be even the first time. What I have to say to you about visibility is…
… first we work on the inner landscape like what parts of me do I not feel like are enough exactly the way that they are and can I turn that around on its head?
…And then secondly, we work on the outer landscape. I want you to lock in being visible lock in putting yourself out there lock in speaking up lock in speaking out lock in speaking publicly lock in a Facebook Live lock in whatever right whatever it is that has you afraid to be seen. You have to do it.
And the funny, paradoxical, poetic thing about life, about growth, about personal and spiritual development is that we can know things internally but when we don't actually act on them externally, nothing changes.
So we can believe until the cows come home that I am enough. I am enough. I am enough. I'm good. I'm good. I've got this. But if we're not getting the results, it tends to be because we're not putting that belief into actions.
If you really did believe that you were enough. What would you be doing differently? How would you be showing up differently? How would you be playing differently? What would you be saying what would you not be saying? How would you be saying it? Where would you be saying it? Where would you go? Who would you say it to?
So the question then becomes…
A - inner landscape do I believe I'm enough and
B - outer landscape, Can I take that I'm enough and turn it into action.
So my dare to you if you have a thing with being visible, is to put yourself in a visible situation. But here's the caveat, not just once, because you know what happens? You do it once as a big adrenaline shot. You kind of suck at it. Let's be honest.
We all suck at everything the first time we do it. We're not expected to be perfect at it. We do something new for the first time. We can always improve on it. And you'll do it and you'll feel great. But it's not locked in as a new level after doing it once not for most of us. In fact, not after twice, not after three times when we're learning something we start off by being really aware that we're no good at it really aware that we kind of suck at it.
And then we can do it if we really think about it, If we push ourselves you know, I'm thinking about public speaking or, you know, showing your face on social media or doing something that you've never done before for the first time that presentation you know, whatever, speaking up in your relationship, but when you do it a second time and a third time and a fourth time you start to notice that it becomes less of a thing. It becomes less adrenaliney. It becomes less scary. A fifth time a six time is seventh time a 10th time you start to notice little nuances of what happens over and over again. Maybe the first and the 10th time, you feel equally as afraid and crazy and like you need to vomit from nervousness, just thinking about it. But the 20th time you start to notice that you're slightly less nervous, or that you know how to prepare a little better the 30th time the 40th. Do you see where I'm going with this?
You start to notice nuances and how you can perfect it and how you can make art out of it and do it really well. The 60th time the 70th time, so ….
…being visible my friends is not just about getting over some kind of confidence issue about feeling like we're not enough that is the first part of it.
…But the second part is putting that confidence into action not just once but on 100 times and not judging how well you can be visible until you've completed it 100 times and locked it in as a new level.
Then you can start to assess how you really feel about being visible. Because between the first time and the 100th time you're learning how to teach yourself how to take up space. You're learning how to teach your cells to be visible. You're learning how to teach yourself to experience visibility. And that is clunky. That is awkward. That is uncomfortable that requires a lot of energy. It requires a lot of willpower. It requires a little determination. Maybe psyching yourself up, but after that the effects are so worth it.
Because your practiced at being visible. So what I recommend is starting off somewhere that you feel really, really safe to be seen and practicing 100 times being seen in that space. Notice the different nuances notice how you can prepare a little better. Notice how it feels easier. As you get going.
Maybe there's technology that's involved in doing it the first 100 times you get the technology down pat in the first 10 then you can focus on relaxing and just being there and by the 100th time you have a bit of humor, but don't judge yourself until you've done it 100 times and then take it to a slightly bigger edge take it to a slightly more uncomfortable situation or a more visible situation or a more, I don't know scary and exciting kind of situation and do it 100 times there and continue to lock it in.
You see what I'm about here at SuperFreak headquarters is not just experiencing a breakthrough once and then sinking back into your old life when you're not thinking about it anymore.
What I care about more than anything is that we do something new. You do it so many times that it becomes a natural extension of who you are and you never go back. And that's what this is about when it comes to visibility. So remember the inner landscape. I absolutely am enough exactly as I am and I can choose to improve whenever I want and then be the outer landscape - lock it in any locked in 100 times.
So that is it for today. My friends. Thank you so much for joining me for Superfreak and I want to give you a little insight into a couple of things that are opening up inside of my company in the next couple of weeks and months. The first is the Bloom Business Incubator. This is for humans who want to join a small group coaching program with me specifically tailored around business and all of the moving parts to create a beautiful symphony that represents who you are and gives you the lifestyle that you wanted. Why you created your business.
This is for you if you want to uplevel and you've got a business or you're just starting and you want to really get your head around all of the different components.
People at all different levels report that this is such an incredible program for them.
The second is that we are opening up right now and we are starting later in the year is The Fierce Salon and this is a six month group coaching program.
You do not have to be in business. It is got to do with the business of you, your life, your career, your energy, your relationships, absolutely everything.
So check those two programs out in the link below. And of course the International Women of Mystery is open absolutely year round. That is a mastery mind with me. And a small group of really, really wonderful humans where we do one on one coaching and a group experience and it is just wonderful and amazing.
So those are the ways you can work with me in the next couple of months. And I'm looking forward to hearing from you.
If you have an insight about this particular podcast and visibility. Please do let me know just hit me up on social media check out the links below and I'll see you on the next episode of Super free.
Stay Curious, Stay open. The life you crave is so much closer than you think.
LOVE
