10 Ways I Use NLP in my Daily Life
Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) has always been the foundation of my coaching practise.
After 13 years of coaching, it’s still something I’m practicing and learning every single day.
I often get asked how I practically utilise the tools in my day to day life so in this episode, I take a dive into NLP, what it is, what I love most about it and 10 ways I use it in my daily life.
I talk about how NLP helps you see beyond the veil of the conscious mind deep into subconscious patterns. I share how utilising the tools helped me to clear mental and emotional blockages and start forging new patterns to overcome those barriers and bring about the results that I wanted.
Whether you’re aware of it or not, you’re already an NLP Master. Everything you do and think is based on a set of core beliefs, values and emotions that you learned at some point in your life and they run like a program in your subconscious, dictating how you act and think throughout every day.
Wouldn’t you rather make those thoughts and actions deliberate?
You might have already completed your NLP training or maybe you’re just getting interested. Either way, this episode will inspire you to be your most authentic self and start creating the life that you want on purpose.
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”
The transcript of this podcast is below. Don’t forget to go to the bottom of this page and let me know in the comments any questions or what you think or just share the love on social. Thanks
Transcript from Podcast - 10 ways I use NLP in my Daily life.
Today I want to talk to you about 10 ways that I use NLP in my daily life now this episode is really dedicated and in celebration of the students who are just about to complete their Be your own coach NLP certification training with me and this is in celebration as well of our release of the 2021 class. So if you don't know what NLP is, it stands for neuro-linguistic programming.
I get asked all the time how I use it in my own daily life, but also a lot of people ask me, where did you get your coaching certification and I always say the foundation of my coaching is NLP. So what NLP means or what Neuro-Linguistic Programming means is the subtle awareness between your brain and the way that your language gives clues to how you think and your subconscious programming, the way that you see the world without you actually realizing it consciously. Then we utilize NLP, so the language, the programming and the neurology to actually shift using our language, the way that you think, the way that you see the world, the way that you identify, who you identify as and what your beliefs are, utilizing our language to help us shift the way that we see the world and therefore the results that we get.
It's quite profound, really, it's an incredible practice an incredible modality, which I learned many, many years ago when I was a martial artist. And I originally got involved in it to help me move through a really challenging time where I had lost a friend in a car accident, and I was very upset about that, and didn't really quite know how to move through it. I was also going through some relationship challenges. The main reason for me being inspired by this was actually because I was an athlete, and I was learning how to show up and manage my mindset under high pressure circumstances as a martial artist. So I kind of got into it for that.
I learned that I could help myself in relationship and actually helped myself move through some really deep emotional stuff that I was going through and manage my mindset at that time I was lso studying at university. I just found it so fascinating. So endlessly fascinating. I felt those purpose tingles as I was learning it. Now years and years on, I'm still practicing it, I'm still learning it. And I still use it every single day. So I've been coaching officially for 13 years now. So I don't see myself as a beginner, but I also don't see myself at all as a master of this. I'm still learning every single day I always and forever will be practicing to better my craft and that craft for me has been coaching and specifically neuro linguistic programming.
Now one of the best things that I find about NLP, neuro linguistic programming is that we're already using it every single day whether you are certified in it, or you know anything about it or not, you are already an NLP master. And what I mean by that is NLP just gives a name to everything that you already do, so that you can both see how you're already creating results that maybe you don't want and so that you can change that, and also see how you're creating the results that you do or even recreate the results that you see others achieving or attaining for yourself. So you can model off that. And you can do it over and over and over and over again.
That's what I love about it is it just puts a name and intentionality to everything that we're already doing. So that you can do it deliberately, rather than thinking that it's a fluke or by accident, or that it's out of your control because it's tailored to every single unique human being and their own way of seeing the world. And their own way of creating results in their own place that they're beginning from.
I don't always get asked what my coaching qualifications are, not anymore, actually, I used to get asked quite a bit. And while I've taken a ton of courses, and I learned from those that I would consider to be the best and I continue to to seek out who I'm really inspired by and learn from. NLP has always been the foundation of my coaching practice, always and forever. I've actually taken the NLP training seven times in person, and more in terms of re-listening to the content. So it's the heart and soul for me, of listening and asking questions and seeing beyond the veil of the conscious mind, deep into the subconscious patterns that uphold the results that we're currently getting, it really feels like I'm making the unconscious conscious, and then laser beaming it straight to what the actual challenges or the actual problem underneath the heart, or a host of possible causes for certain challenges or results that we're getting.
One of the most common things that we say is a problem well stated is a problem half solved. So when you can really get to the heart of what's going on that thing that's underneath everything else that's linked to everything else that when you just shift that even a little bit of a percent, it transforms everything else, unconsciously, you find yourself behaving in different ways that you didn't expect. This is what I love about NLP. But what I love most about it is that it not only helps us clarify exactly the blueprint of our own beliefs, so that we can remove what's not working. But once you've created a bit of an energetic clean slate for yourself, like wiping out stacked up emotions that have been there for a really long time or shifting the way that you see the world in terms of a belief or changing your behaviors without having to think about it.
If you're behaving in a way that you don't want to for example, once you've kind of cleared that slate for yourself, you can then start using these same tools to create something and transform something into the incredible out of seemingly nothing, right. You can look to the people and the ideas and the energies and the things that inspire you and ignite something inside of you. And then you can use those tools to align your energy, your beliefs, your attitudes, and everything with those things that you want to move towards.
So it works in two ways.
One is kind of looking back and clearing in a way and integrating and reframing and seeing things anew. The things that you feel like might be holding you back or standing in the way of you living your very best, most authentic life or being fully yourself or being able to fully enjoy your day, and yourself and your life.
And then from there looking towards what it is that you want and utilizing the tools to actually bring about results that you want, which is really exciting.
So the reason I'm sharing all of this with you right now is because the questions start to roll in around halfway through the course…..
Where or when can we expect to use this? And how do you use it in your everyday life? And how do I use it in my everyday life?
And I just thought it would be really fun to talk about that on the podcast right now. Because it's something that's actually filters through my entire day. And this podcast is called Superfreak. And I strongly believe that these are some of the tools that superfreaks just utilize without even realizing it. So when I talk to the superfreaks that I coach, I can bring so much of it back to a strategy that they might have, or an unconscious belief that they actually have something that they practice every single day to bring them back into alignment.
There's this metaphor that I hear all the time, a rocket or a plane is constantly actually off course and our job is to bring it slightly back on course as best we can. So that constant awareness of shifting us back to being on course, it's not about never going off course it's about actually consciously realigning ourselves back to being in equilibrium. And back to being on course, this is what I want to talk to you about today. This is how I practice it every single day myself.
Now some of these won't necessarily fully make sense to every one but that's okay. If you've studied NLP before, you might be really inspired to think a bit differently about how you use this every day yourself outside of just reading the scripts and doing the processes and the tools. And if you're interested in learning to coach yourself, you might be inspired to learn a little bit more. Or you might actually recognize that you do some of these things,already. You just didn't know that there was a name for it and you can start to coach yourself and do them deliberately and intentionally.
I'll do my best to explain these things to you in a way that helps if you haven't studied NLP before, but I hope that you enjoy.
1 - So number one, the way that I use NLP is anchoring. Anchoring in neuro linguistics is simply connecting a trigger with a response. Now often-times what we experienced in our life is negative anchoring, it's often one of the reasons why relationships really get in stuck places, is negative anchoring.
For example, your partner constantly leaves the dishes on the bench or in the sink, instead of putting them in the dishwasher. And every single time you see them, you feel this rising sense of frustration come over you in your body. That would be one example of a negative anchor. And pretty soon, you can end up anchoring in a negative feeling by seeing dishes on the sink, for example.
Another example of negative anchoring might be when you come home from work and you're feeling frustrated, you see your partner's face, your partner's face might be really happy, but you're feeling frustrated. But it's the first thing you see when you get home. And sometimes you know, you come home from work angry you see your partner's face, you home from work angry, you see your partner's face, all of a sudden you see your partner's face, makes you feel a certain way, because it's anchored into you. So that's like a really, really, really like meta level unconscious anchoring conditioning programming sort of situation...
... But anchoring can also be really positive as well. An example of a positive anchor might be a certain scent of something that someone that you loved, growing up cooking, and that scent wafting through the kitchen. And it instantly makes you salivate a little bit or it reminds you when you've used smell that of a certain person or a place or a time, it could be a song that you hear that lights you up every time you hear it, you just get really, really fired up. So it could be a scent, it could be sound, it could be the look on the face of someone that you love. And every time you see it or you hear their voice or they speak to you in that very certain way. It makes you feel something and because your feeling is connected to that particular way that they use their voice, that can be negative too actually, but anchoring is everywhere.
I like to utilize anchoring really positively inside of my life in my space. Now one of the ways that I use anchoring is actually in the interior design of my house. Weird I know. But years ago, I decided to become a minimalist. And everything in my home is something that I absolutely love, it makes me feel something or It smells great, or I love the look of it, or I love the texture of it. And so there's constantly these positive anchors around me, which just bring about this certain quality that I want to feel inside of my home.
Over many, many years. I've very consciously edited my life, it didn't happen all at once. But I choose to only bring things into my life that make me feel a certain way. In the morning, I have certain practices that bring me into a sense of positivity and purpose and passion and feeling excited about what I'm doing. And those positive anchors really set me up for the day. I have certain scents and smells that relax me. So during the day, if I'm feeling a little bit stressed, or I'm a bit heady, I have essential oils, I have candles and I have practices that bring me back to grounding as well as music. And at nighttime certain strategies and rituals and processes like doing a little bit of a light stretch, or reading or lighting a candle and having dinner with my love, Jamie.
All of these things are just gentle anchors that bring me back into the present moment or bring me back to the feeling that I want to have. And then if I want some sleep, I have a certain anchor for helping me sleep. Part of that is the scent of lavender, which helps me relax. I have an eye mask which I put on every night no matter where I am. It helps me anchor into knowing that it's time to sleep. And I also fire off a little anchor, there's a certain place on my hand that I pinch, I've anchored into that point, that feeling of sleepiness, that helps me sleep as well. So use anchoring for waking up and feeling connected, I suppose when I'm about to get on a call with a client. And I have anchors for relaxing and sleeping anchors, were feeling inspired. And I have a general resource anchor and that's clicking my fingers. So if you ever see me doing that, I'm bringing in a state into my awareness.
So I could do a whole podcast on anchoring. I could do a whole podcast on anchoring for sleep. And who knows maybe we'll do that in the future. But that's actually what the first way that I used NLP. In my daily life anchoring is huge.
You don't have to be an NLP master officially to be an NLP master at anchoring. You're already doing it, I want you to be asking yourself, what are the things that anchored me into feeling really grounded or feeling really energized? And how can I do that deliberately now, knowing that this actually has an impact on my life? And also what are the things that I'm negatively anchoring in? What are the things that every time I see it or I hear it or I feel it or I look at it, I feel a certain way, how can I remove that or squash that or realign that for myself?
2 - Okay, the next one. Number two is using the advanced visualization process otherwise known as strategic visioning. And I use that in two ways.
Number one, it's kind of a hypnotic process as well. So I might visualize and self program, seeing something that I want to happen, it might be the rest of my day going the way that I'd like it to go. Or it might be envisioning something that I would love to occur. And I feel the feelings of that being exactly the way that I want it to be. And I bring that into the now or it could be that I actually have a goal. Now I don't have heaps of goals in my life. I'm not like a huge goal setter. But when I do have something that I would love to come into fruition, I might utilize the advanced visualization process to place that goal in my future.
The second way that I utilize advanced visualization is to actually reduce anxiety. So in NLP, the structure of anxiety is when we're actually visualizing something to go wrong. And we're feeling all the feelings of it already having gone wrong in our bodies. Today, in the moment, we're not doing it consciously who would do that consciously? Honestly, nobody would do that consciously. We're doing it unconsciously, but we're feeling all of those feelings of it already gone wrong. And the way to kind of unpick that is by imagining it going exactly the way that you want it to have gone, and feeling those feelings, and then coming back into the now and feeling them in the now and choosing to act from that place.
So utilize the strategic visualization, in hypnotic programming myself in imagining things to go right reducing anxiety, setting goals all the time, there are no guarantees in life, I don't know what's going to happen in a minute in a day. And I like that, I really like that. But if I'm acting from a place of, it's definitely going to go wrong, that puts me in a completely different energy space to it's definitely going to go right and having positive expectations, I still take actions that make sure that I'm staying safe, of course, and making sure that I am covering my bases. So it's not about putting my head in the sand and only imagining it to go right not being realistic about what could go wrong. But it is about overall more so than not having positive expectations. So that's number two.
3 - Number three is going throughout the day, though, like when you start to become aware of the thoughts that you're unconsciously having, it becomes really interesting up there. So I do this in two ways.
Number one is I recognize when I'm having weird thoughts, and I instantly reframe them, and I actively front load my day with positive thoughts, affirmative thoughts, beliefs that I want to live into and align with, right?
Because I know that if I shift at a level of identity, I shift everything. So if I am choosing thoughts that helped me re identify with who I want to be, and remove who I was in the past, or who I want to be in the future, but actually bring it into the now sort of playing with time, I can shift who I'm identifying as overtime and start showing up differently. So it's kind of an informal way of quickly reframing something if I notice I'm having a funky thought is to choose a new thought in the moment.
But then the second way is by sometimes utilizing one of the formal NLP processes that I teach, to release something that comes up if I recognize that it's a little bit more intense than just one weird thought. So that one is far more in depth, I guess, then I can explain in just part of this podcast, because really, it reaches far beyond just having interesting thoughts, right?
If I have a goal or an idea or something that I want to work towards, and I know that I'm not working towards them, I start becoming conscious of what is unconscious, and it gives me more choice. So if I become conscious that I'm repeating the very same pattern of being a few minutes late every day, there's a tool for that. Or if I'm over eating, or emotionally opening the fridge when I feel a little bit stressed. There's a few tools for that one, if I'm avoiding exercise, that too.
So making the unconscious conscious is about really looking at the interesting ideas that I'm having up there and stopping and pausing and observing them and becoming the observer. And then shifting what I can.
4 - Number four is I can shift my emotional state when I need to. So that might be through using anchoring to bring myself into a new state, or it might just be about reframing the way that I'm seeing something and consciously aware of the state that I'm bringing to the work that I do to my home to my partner, and working on shifting my state if I need to, even just being aware of what state you're in can help you shift it. So that's definitely something that I'm doing throughout the day as best I can.
5 - The next one (5) is if I noticed something going on with my body. Let's say I noticed I have a cold coming on, I'm getting a little bit sniffily or I'm low in energy, or I have randomly tripped over or I've cut myself on a paper cut, I start to use a tool called buddy negotiation, which basically means I have a conversation with my unconscious to make sure that I can either move through it or I can do what I can to support myself immediately. Like if I know that I am coming up to a big day and I'm feeling a little bit sniffly. I'm feeling really drained. I can have a conversation with my subconscious. So I'm not overriding how I actually feel in the moment but I'm also able to support myself to get through what I need to and possibly even avoid the worst of things coming on.
Now if you are in my current NLP training Be Your Own Coach, this is a bonus that I have coming for you. So if you're listening to this and thinking 'What is she talking about?' That one's coming for you.
6 - Number six another bonus that's coming for you if you're in the training, I can analyze my dreams. So dreams are really interesting that the subconscious way of communicating with the conscious mind through symbols in NLP, right, so again, your conscious mind making the subconscious conscious or the unconscious conscious is a really fantastic way of understanding this entire galaxy, this universe of the way that we see the world inside of us. And looking at it and asking, 'Is this working for me?' or looking at it and saying, 'okay, what's one positive step that I can take as a result of this communication?' And so I use dream analysis quite often, to think about what I was dreaming about, and then find a message for myself, so I can take a step powerfully into my life as a result.
7 - Number seven, I create my content and my coaching, my podcasts, my videos and my courses and everything that I create for my students and clients is looked at, and created based on the beliefs that I know that they're experiencing, so I can help them to shift those beliefs as fast as possible.
So every single day, I'm utilizing NLP, in my own personal life, to be inspired for how I can create something for my clients, for my students. And I find, like I said, endless inspiration through that, because it's always tailored to every individual galaxy that's inside someone's mind.
8 - Number eight, is I use it to become a really powerful listener, I'm always learning to be a better listener. Be that with a dear friend, with my partner or with a client. And NLP teaches us how to really listen and see and hear what someone is saying. But also what someone is not saying through what they're saying. We're not making up what we think they're saying, or making an assumption based on what we've heard or mind reading what we think they're actually saying, No, we're hearing the language patterns in a person's conversation, and therefore then hearing the way that they have internally constructed their own model of the world. And that gives us the ability, it gives me the ability to calibrate what's really going on for a person by listening to their tone of voice and watching their body language, if I can see them, or listening for patterns in their language, or certain words that they might use that indicate their favorite way of being loved their favorite way of being communicated to their favorite way of having something explained to them.
So someone might be a very visual person. And if I'm using very kinesthetic or touch you sort of language, it won't land. So it helps me communicate with someone, but it also helps me understand the way that they like to receive the way that they like to be loved the way that they like to be communicated to and also the way that they've internally constructed their model of the world.
Watching a person's body language and listening for the patterns in their language, and their tone of voice and all of that, that helps them make up an awareness for me that even the person in front of me may not even know is there and I want to say disclaimer here, right? In my personal relationships, I never coach someone not without their permission, and often not without them having to book in, right, because that would make me an absolute wangka. And it completely devalues the message anyway, oftentimes, it's just about someone wanting to be heard, or having a conversation. It's not always about coaching.
But the NLP is always there and help, it helps me become a better friend and a better partner. And so just being aware of that really helps me be present with the humans in my life, not always for the sake of coaching. It's a beautiful way of having someone that you love and care about really feeling seen and heard when you're listening to them. So I use it all the time to listen.
9 - Number nine is I asked really great questions of myself every single day. Something that you learn inside of NLP advanced, NLPs is something called Cartesian logic. And it helps us to explode what we're thinking, to see if our beliefs are actually true inside of these four quadrants that you would learn about, right, but really what this is, is like, what would happen if I did do that? What would happen if I didn't do that? What wouldn't happen if I did do that? And what wouldn't happen if I didn't do that helps me explode and think about things in a different way to really test if what I believe and see about the world is true for every single human being on the planet all throughout time in every different culture all throughout the world. And that's what helps me see if what I'm thinking is a result of my conditioning or actual universal reality. And quite often, it's not universal reality. It's just the fruit salad that's going on between my ears, and it helps me create really interesting questions to into into ask myself to journal on to create to think about where I want to go next, to help me move through something, it helped me just take one next step that's in alignment with what I want, I find that really endlessly fun.
10 - Number ten is I can use NLP to safely put myself in new uncomfortable, high pressure or scary situations and environments where I know that I have the tools to deal with that new level of discomfort. So I can put myself in a situation where I don't know what on earth I'm doing. But I know that I can handle whatever comes up. So for example, if I was competing in a martial arts tournament, which I used to do all the time, I would know what to do with any of the feelings of anxiety or worry about the result that might happen. If I'd been training for a really long time and I show up to a tournament, I know that I've got the tools to deal with what comes up in those scenarios where it's really high pressure, I know how to program myself for having the best result possible. And of course, how to stay focused on what is within my control. And I know for a fact that that was my edge when I was a competitive martial artist, because so many of my amazing peers and competitors who I know were stronger and faster and better than me, just sometimes in different tournaments on that day didn't have their mindset right and didn't maybe have that toolkit to be able to deal with something that came up that was unexpected.
So that's one of my favorite ways of utilizing an LP is traversing the realm outside of my comfort zone and the unknown and knowing that I have the capability and the tools to be able to deal with that. So really, I guess it tends to be more of an experience for me, I don't tend to feel triggered by a lot of things these days, because I can safely step back and observe my thoughts. And I'm not perfect at this, like I still get set off by certain things. No one I think is perfect. But I just tend to not have a lot of the same neuroses and triggers that I used to have years and years and years ago through doing this work for a long time. Because I know how to move through things that make me feel uncomfortable.
I found that alongside having the ability to really listen and hear new things, being able to move through things that feel uncomfortable very quickly. That's been really game changing for me. So everything I can do with a client, I can do with myself, because when you learn something like this amazing set of tools, you just become aware of what to look for in your own behavior and communication and have a bit of a roadmap for what to do about it tailor made to you, right? Choose Your Own Adventure.
I remember at one of my Play Bigger, Feel Better events, this gorgeous human Tessa said, Do you ever get angry? Like, are you just like a robot. And I thought, isn't that so funny? Because I was a coach sitting at the front of the room coaching people and I had answers to certain things that I know some of my students don't have answers to. That's why they show up at my events. But it's not the case that I've never felt the same things that they have felt is that I felt a lot of those things and use these tools to move through them. So it's not that you become a robot who doesn't feel anything, it's that you know what to do with those feelings. And like I said, I'm a human, I feel things struggle with lots of different things, but I know how to move through them and things, I suppose really lose their overall meaning. And they become interesting ideas and interesting results with a roadmap to their source. And that's a source that I can do something about.
So in summary, I suppose the way I use NLP in my daily life is this,
I know that what I'm experiencing isn't all that's possible every day, I know that my words and my actions are always giving away my unconscious beliefs and the way that I have made up that the world actually is for me, and every day, bit by bit, I'm slowly realigning myself to whatever it is that I suppose I can take myself more towards what I want and away from what I don't want. Right.
Now, when I use the tools of NLP, sometimes I use the formal processes that I teach. And sometimes I use the informal processes that I teach.
These are more conversational or quick or something that I could do while I'm driving in the car, I'm sitting in traffic or I'm in the bath or it's before bed, once you go through those formal processes, and then kind of unstuck all the built up emotions. And you clear those inner conflicts and align your beliefs with what it is that you want. It's more like an every day over all mini energy maintenance that you can do to stay on track with what it is that you want. And when you aren't walking around with all your stuff in the way of your experience, you can just be.
So from there, we get to play this really fun game in the quantum I guess of what's possible. superabundant came about where I was able to completely change my own money story and situation through observing my own interesting ideas that I had about money specifically, aka the beliefs and then change them or shift them informally, so that I wasn't having beliefs that were based on old ideas that had been passed down to me, but then I could install new ones that I started behaving in a way that I decided that I wanted to behave because all things are possible.
All my courses really are based on NLP in a way and using that in a positive way to kind of shift the way that we see the world the way that we see ourselves and others inside of it. And therefore we shift our understanding of what's available and possible for us. It's how I reframe my clients thinking in big and small ways. And it just goes with that old saying that when you change the way that you look at things, the things you look at change, and from there, we just take new actions without thinking about it. And the results become really easy and natural extension of who we are. Because we identify with something different.
There you have it - 10 plus one ways I use NLP in my own daily life. I love this stuff. I'm endlessly fascinated by it. I'm so excited to officially be teaching it now in my own company with a course be your own coach NLP immersive. So what I'd like from you now is to tell me either in the comments if you're reading this on my blog, or just tag me in social media at Haley car.tv. And tell me, what's one thing that you do in your daily life that realigns your mind towards where you're going, so that you can make the unconscious conscious.
I also want to tell about my course Be Your Own Coach NLP Immersive. Underneath I've linked up where you can jump on the waitlist for that course.
Now this is something that you're interested in, I really want to encourage you to learn these tools. No matter who you are, no matter what you do. It's so incredible to have a roadmap to your very own mind, I think that that would be so powerful for the planet. If everybody understood these tools, it will shift your life and the lives of those that you care for and the lives of those that you work with an impact. So just do it, whether it's with me or with someone else, I really encourage you to go and learn. Alright, so thank you for listening. That is 10 plus one ways I use NLP I can't wait to hear how you make the unconscious conscious.
Be Your Own Coach NLP Immersive Sign up to the waitlist.
Stay Curious, Stay open. The life you crave is so much closer than you think.
LOVE
Hayley xx
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