How to stop comparing yourself and being triggered by others actions

Everyone has them.

People who just trigger you. Whether it be the sound of their voice, something they did, the fact they have the same name as someone from your past, or maybe they are uber successful and wonderful and you’re totally crazy jealous…

I’m sharing an insight today that’s going to make this craziness all make sense.

Why does this even happen to us? What can we learn from it? What do we DO with it? And most importantly, how do we get OVER it.

I use this technique based on quantum physics and NLP with my clients all the time, and it’s super empowering. Enjoy!

Can’t Listen? Here’s the Transcript:

You're triggering me!

Hello and welcome back. Today I'm talking to you about how to stay calm around people that trigger you.

And what I mean by trigger you is people who annoy the bitchippers out of you. You know you can't help it you just want to be left alone and you just get annoyed and you can’t help yourself you drive yourself crazy. We need to help you with this today

OK, so here's the thing. We've all well no not all of us. Many of us have got people in our lives and we can't help but be around them because maybe we're in a situations where we're both in that position like at work and you know we can't control everyone who's around us at all times. We can't control anything outside of ourselves. So many of us have come to times in our lives where we're surrounded by people that trigger us in different ways.

And what I mean by triggering is - I mean people who really annoy you for no reason.  They just get under your skin and sometimes even the sound of their voice can really make you feel frustrated or triggered.

Now I'm going to tell you something that's a little bit counterintuitive here today and it might also be kind of annoy you a little bit and I'm OK with that because this is all for the purpose of growth. So there's a term in neurolinguistic programming called “mirroring”, and what this means is not from a body language perspective where I do what you do and it's kind of to get in rapport, it's on a deeper level and the mirroring aspect is that we cannot comprehend something that we don't experience within our own self.

Meaning if you're looking at someone and you're thinking ‘oh he's doing it so.., he's that, she's this, this is what she's really up to...’

And we place out our own opinions and our own stuff and projections onto another person because of what we think he or she is doing. We can’t actually comprehend the feelings, the thoughts, the emotions, the labels unless there is a part of us within ourselves that is also experiencing it right now or it's something that we need to heal within ourselves. Because I know that that's a little bit for some people to hear. Right but this is super empowering. When you get it and you embody it. So I’m going to give you two examples here:

The first one is someone that triggers you in a negative way. You might look at someone who has done something bad maybe they've done something illegal maybe there's someone in politics at the moment who you absolutely despise. I don't know and you can look at them and find certain attributes or aspects of their personality or whatever that you just find not necessarily on a logical perspective but when it really triggers you and I mean it gives you a visceral feeling within yourself the mirroring aspect says “I cannot comprehend this feeling which I'm comprehending unless there is something inside of me that needs to be healed as a part of me that does that myself or there’s something that's actually experiencing at this point in time”.

Now the reason why it's so empowering is because when you start seeing that the world is a reflection of your perception. So your perception is your projection in reality.

The map is not the territory. What you see as your reality is not actually your reality it's simply a projection of the internal map that’s going on inside.

So once you can see this it becomes very empowering and you're able to change and have more understanding of the human beings around you. So you might look at someone to go ‘oh that's just disgusting. How could you do that? How could he cheat on this person? Or how could she be …. whatever? And you can look it and go “Whoa how am I doing that?” Maybe and it might not have anything to do with that particular chapter or topic that you're triggered in, like let's say someone has cheated on their partner and you're really judging them for that and feeling frustrated and it viscerally annoys you because there's some kind of deception going on there.

You can ask yourself where am my deceiving myself ? Where am I deceiving others? And it might not be in a relationship it might be that you're pretending to be something that you're not at work or it might be that you're not telling the whole truth in your business with your clients. You know it doesn't have to relate to the same topic of what's going on but when you can comprehend something in another person.

Quantum physics and Neuro-Linguistic Programming suggests that it is something in you that's coming to be healed and when you do so from a negative triggering perspective it gives you a new perspective on another person, a new perspective on the same thing. Which is a small miracle, and gives you a lot more patience and understanding and connection with the human beings around you.

Now this can also work in a positive aspect. So you might be looking at someone in your life and really comparing yourself to them and feeling that you're not enough because this person is beautiful and amazing and fantastic and eloquent and has an amazing business or is really famous or just good looking or funny or something and you might think… ah you know I feel jealous or feel disappointed that I'm not that, and you get a visceral feeling in your body like a real craving to be that person.

Well I have good news for you. The mirroring tool also suggests that by you being able to comprehend what that person is doing in the world it means that it is something within you as well. If you see beauty and you recognize beauty and you acknowledge beauty you're only seeing the beauty that is within you.

Same with love.

Same with peace.

Same with amazingness.

That's not even a word but it is now.

So the mirroring really shows you how every one of us are connected and human being in a different ways. And we can all experience the same thing on different levels. And when you understand this you can actually take action because you can’s do something about someone who's triggering you in an environment that you are not in control of that you can do something about what's triggering you within your own internal environment. So if someone is triggering you about deception or something else you might ask yourself

“ Where am I being deceptive?”

“Where am I not being telling the truth?”

“Where am I hiding something from or whatever it means to you it's going to be individual?”

You might realize “I'm actually not being just all me when I'm running my business or when I'm talking to my partner in my relationship. So this is triggering me because I need to take action to stop doing this. And it's very very empowering.

Another really nice thing that I like to do is ask myself when someone is triggering me whether it be I feel bad or I feel like I'm not good enough or jealous. And I did this with all my clients too, is to ask what I'm learning from this person? When someone is upsetting me or triggering me -what can I learn?

Look for a lesson that's not well ‘I’m not learning exactly how not to be coz it you just suck right?’ It's about going OK what can I learn about me from this person? How can I show up more, from a mirroring angle, of the type of person that I want to be in the world from this example?

What am I learning about me from recognizing the beauty in something else? Maybe there's some way that I have more room for growth to allow beauty into my life.

So the mirroring aspect really says that when something is triggering you pay attention because there's something inside of you that's coming for attention. So I have a dare for you as I do every week.

And this is a big one I want you to leave me a comment below this video. And I want you to tell me what or who is triggering you.

You don't have to use names or places or rat anyone out in fact. Please don't!

And then just underneath that I won't even say what are you learning about yourself. Make it positive make it empowering and make it something that you can take action on. So leave me a comment with that dare below. And I really look forward to reading your comments and hearing what it is that you would like support with.

Now I'm going to leave you with the quote that might help you remember this mirroring thing and make you feel empowered and the quote is;

“Everyone is my teacher, when I grow everyone grows.”

And what this means is that when you start mirroring and doing the shift work inside of yourself doing that work to kind of recalibrate yourself make yourself whole look at what you're being, what’s comprehending within you and then changing it, you actually shift your whole perception of the world. And so are you allow others to grow as well by doing so you're changing the map you're changing territory.

Everyone is my teacher when I grow everyone grows and bring that attention back to you, bring that mirror back to you. And allow yourself to make positive life affirming changes in that way.

As usual thank you so much for watching. I really appreciate every single one of you who tunes in every week!

If you like this video please like it subscribe to my channel or if you know someone who could really use this little insight today why not send them an email with a link to this blog post in it. Now, if you come on over to HayleyCarr.TV you can sign up for my weekly updates where I give personal stories that I only share in email and also you can get access to my free beautifully unstoppable starter kit including a meditation desktop wallpapers and an ebook that I wrote just for you.

Thank you so much for watching. Stay curious stay open and I'll see you next week.

Bye!

Stay Curious, Stay Open. You are the Omega.

Love, Hayley x x

P.S - If you’re ready to start living your truth, leading by example and experienceng incredible shifts in your health, relationships, finances, business and life, lets have a powerful conversation.